Hihowareya?

When someone says hello to me by way of the generic “hi, how are you” (which usually comes out as “hihowareya”) I actually respond. And I do not mean that I say, “Fine thanks, how are you?” I provide an honest answer. If I ask “how are you” in return, I wait for an answer.

This morning I had two people accost me with a “hihowareya.” The first I let pass because she did not even glance in my direction and her stride did not slow one iota. I was irritated, but just smiled and nodded while murmuring something incoherent. That was enough for her as she nodded and kept going, quickly making it to the corner and out of sight. Since she obviously did not care, why ask?

The second person was heading straight toward me and made eye contact. When he gave the “howareya” I answered him and moved subtly to restrict his progress past me as I asked him about his health in return. I could tell from the quick look he gave me that he was slightly annoyed or taken aback by my interest, but then he recovered himself, smiled, and answered me. I corrected my course back along my original path and he could easily get by me.

When seeing someone you barely know or do not really want to stop and chat with, just say, “Hi” or “Hello.” It is a declarative statement that does not necessitate any additional conversation beyond a reciprocal greeting. Alternately, you can do the smile and nod routine. You can both pass on your merry way and be done with it. But if you add an interrogative statement like “how are you,” you should expect at least some of the people you ask to answer you, stop and chat, or otherwise engage you. If you are not looking for an answer, do not ask the question!

For me, it comes down to manners. It is impolite to ask a question and then walk away, talk over the other person’s answer, or otherwise ignore the person to whom you asked the question. Yes, I am smart enough to realize that many people use this question as merely a form of greeting; however, there are many simple ways to greet another person without asking them a question. If you ask the question, expect an answer.

Lastly, you can be surprised what actually answering the question honestly and waiting for the other person to answer it honestly can do. Maybe they are having a bad day and can get just a little of it out by talking with you for a moment. Maybe your spirited response and convivial patience in listening to their response will lighten both of your moods. Maybe you will make a new friend, even for a moment.