They F*&# You in the Drive Thru!

I just got back from going to the drive through at a newly opened branch of Taco Bell/KFC. I have gone through the drive-through 3 other times and have had problems, but not insurmountable ones, each time. Once I ordered a chicken meal and substituted a breast for one piece of the meal. They tried to charge me the breast substitution price twice because the meal came with a breast already (try explaining that, when a meal starts with a breast and a wing and you want to substitute another wing, that does NOT mean they substitute a breast for the first breast and then a breast for the wing, at a total substitution charge of $1.60 (for two breasts)!). Another time they tried to convince me there was no sauce on their quesadillas, even though they slather each one with a vile green sauce that is anathema to me. And each time the fact that not one worker was even remotely fluent in English was a major stumbling block to ordering and then fixing the order when it was wrong.

This time the place took it to a whole new level. I clearly said “T3,” which is a three regular taco combo with a large beverage. I then said “With Soft tacos” (you have a choice of crunchy or soft) and “Pepsi.” What I saw on the little screen confirmed this. I then said, “Quesadilla, no sauce.” All of a sudden, the window read 3 taco supremes, no sauce, and a chicken quesadilla. Strange. The woman then read back my order, I assume, because she said everything in Spanish. Based off what I was seeing on the menu, I said, “No.” I then reiterated my order speaking as clearly as I could into the microphone. This time, everything appeared to be correctly written on the monitor, so when she read it back in Spanish, I just said, “Okay.” As I turned my head to start driving forward, I saw the window flash and $5.47 came up again. Weird.

Now, I try to eat my lunch for around $5 a day. I like Taco Bell because there are multiple menu items I can get and stay within my budget goals. Yes, it’s crap food, but it’s filling and cheap. I have ordered this same meal, no matter the menu designation, a lot. It always comes up to $4.83. It’s something like $3.79 for the meal deal, and about another buck for the quesadilla and the tax.

The woman and the money window says, “$5.47.” I ask, “Why?” She says, “You order T4 with quesadilla.” I say, “No, I ordered T3 with a quesadilla. Three soft tacos.” Much Spanish to someone inside later, she responds with, “Same price. $5.47.” I say, “This order has never cost me above $5 in the past.” I’m not being mean when I say this statement was beyond her ability to grasp. So I break out some more money, pay her and hope to have better results at the food window.

At the food window, I am handed a small beverage in a paper cup. What I ordered comes with a large beverage in a plastic cup. I point this out to her. All she can muster is “Out.” To which I reply, “I was charged for a large plastic cup.” I continue to try to get my point across, but again I run into a language barrier that I cannot get across. I know to little Spanish and she knows too little English.

I have to admit, at this point I’m mad, but I always try to remain polite when I’m mad. I ask for the manager. A third girl appears. I ask if she is the manager and she replies with a cryptic, “I’m currently in charge.”

I say, “First, I ordered a T3 and got charged for a T4. Secondly, both the meal I ordered and the meal I was charged for come with a large plastic cup sized beverage.”

She says, “We are out of plastic cups.” To which I respond, “So you also over-charged me for my beverage, then.” She says, “Same price.”

I laugh. Out loud and in her face. I can’t help it. She’s trying to convince me that a small and a large are the same price? Does she really think I’m that stupid?

“They are $.20 different. I can refund you the $.20?” she says. I guess my laugh indicated that I had found her error.

I reply, “What about the $.50 difference in price between what I ordered and what was charged? You need to refund me more than $.20.”

“Same price,” she responds. I laugh again.

I say, “You know what, just give me my food, keep all of the money you just stole from me, and I will contact Taco Bell about this and choose not to ever come back to this particular store.”

From the look on her face, I’m guessing she is an assistant of some sort, and she was hoping to satisfy me without having the actual store manager or anyone else know about it.

I then take my food and drive away.

So, from my perspective, I have the following beefs with this Taco Bell/KFC branch:

1. Two of the three people had poor English skills. This is a problem because they are working in a predominantly English-speaking area (in Irvine and on a college campus). Note: I do not care if English is their first, second, or twenty-third language—I just want them to speak it clearly and understand it effectively.
2. I ordered one meal (T3), was charged for another meal (T4), and then was told that both were the same cost.
3. I ordered and was charged for a large beverage in a plastic cup but received a small beverage in paper cup.
4. I received no refund for the difference in the costs for any of the disparities encountered. I was blatantly lied to be “the person currently in charge” when I pointed this out. Reluctantly the same person offered a $.20 refund—but only after I pointed out the difference.

Long story only marginally longer: I have used the Taco Bell website to make a formal complaint about this entire incident. If this goes like any other incident with a fast-food chain, I will receive a couple of worthless coupons in the mail and no apology whatsoever.

In the meantime, I will stop frequenting that Taco Bell/KFC and will ask any and all of my friends and coworkers not to visit that establishment.

Taco Bell/KFC
4101 Campus Drive
Irvine CA 92612

Thursday Thoughts

I once either heard or read this allegory: a man goes to St. Peter and, for some reason, Peter takes him on a tour of the afterlife. First they visit Hell. The man is shown a large room with a big table filled with the most sumptuous feast imaginable. Everything to eat is there. The catch is that the silverware is so large that each individual cannot use it to eat the food. People are struggling to fit a few peas onto a spoon and then cannot lift the monstrous spoon up to their mouths. Others cannot work the knife and the fork because the can barely lift even one of the utensils, let alone two. The people in the room are starving, frantic, and obsessed.

Peter then takes the person to Heaven. Here he sees the exact replica of the room in Hell with the same monstrous silverware and the same huge, feast-filled table. But the people are laughing, joking, and having a good time. The difference, Peter points out, is in how they deal with the situation. In Heaven, each person is helping the other; one is using the knife, another the fork, while a third uses the oversized silverware to feed yet another person. When one is full, they switch places so all can eat their fill and enjoy the feast.

The moral of the story—Heaven and Hell are what you make them.

A person in a cube near me at work has been out for six weeks. Why he was out is his business, and I won’t ask him. But, upon returning, he is greeted by many friends and colleagues who wish him well and welcome him back. His response? “I can’t believe I came back to this hell-hole.” I also heard, “Yeah, I’m back in the cesspool that is [place I work].” I heard these comments not an hour into his first day after returning.

I have to admit that hearing this irritated me. Yes, he’s probably disappointed to find out that things went on without him. He may even be disappointed that many things are still the same. But at least give the place a chance before you stroll back down that path to misery.

I have a good job and I enjoy where I work most of the time. It is true that right now I am doing work that I don’t enjoy and that is a taxing me, but I still enjoy the people and the business well enough. I am paid well and have adequate job security for the times in which we live.

If I ever reached the point where I honestly felt like the place I worked was a “hell-hole” or “cesspool,” I would look for a new job. Why come back from an extended leave if that is how you felt about the place you work? I don’t know why he was gone as long as he was, but surely he could have found some time to do some Monster.com job searches and interviewed for a job or two?

I was struck by how we are both in similar situations but our responses to them were so different. It seems to me that he and I are in mirror images of the same room; in his version, he is miserable and morose, while in mine I am content and well-adjusted.

My Tori Amos Dream

I had the following dream (with some small variations) again. I love this dream; it is one of the few recurring dreams that I look forward to. Most of my recurring dreams are violent, scary, or disturbing.

Note: I previously posted this on my website. But, since I dreamed it again, and I never updated that website, I thought I'd move it here and share with a new audience.

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I am in some unnamed city and it is dark and cold, sometimes it is raining outside, and some force or event or need drives me to seek shelter in a bar. It is one of those bars that you walk down into and no matter when you stop by, day or night, it has this cloud of smoky air and a perpetual darkness about it.

If it's raining, my pants and shirt are soaked, as though the jacket I am wearing wasn't made for the amount of precipitation unleashed outside.

I order a Pepsi from the somewhat attractive but certainly life-weary waitress and sit down at a table toward the back. I notice a woman at the piano in the corner with an old brandy snifter partly filled with bills and change. She's just beginning to entertain the meager audience.

Counting myself, the audience is mostly men, with only one or two women hidden in dark corners. Everyone else looks like they have grown into their chairs and I guess they are this bar's regulars. Each is drinking away some part of his life he would rather forget or not be involved in.

As I slump into a seat at a table and let the events that carried me here spill over my memory, the piano eases to life. The red-headed woman begins to sing. The songs are painfully well-known to me. I examine the singer more carefully and see it is Tori Amos.

Even in the reality that is the dream, I am not surprised to see her here.

She plays some cut down versions of 'Little Earthquakes,' 'Crucify,' and 'Concertina,' then kicks into a rocking version of 'Caught a Lite Sneeze.' She pauses long enough that I almost think she's finished. She closes her eyes, and begins to sing 'China.'

She invests her entire self in the song, her lower lip constantly kissing the bottom of the black and silver microphone and quivering slightly.

She does not open her eyes and the mourning in her voice and the sad sob that creeps out during the high notes brings me to tears. Her voice becomes gravelly and full of anguish during the low lyrics.

"China, all the way to New York..."

I sit mesmerized. All sound outside of the piano and her voice cease to exist. I am transported to a world of pain and loss and unfulfilled love.

"Sometimes, I think you want me to touch you..."

Tori is barely moving. Her hands on the piano's ebony and ivory keys seem to move of their own volition. I barely see her draw breath. She is elsewhere and the song sings itself.

"Funny how the distance learns to grow..."

I see a tear streak down her face as I feel wetness on mine. I can't move. I don't remember blinking. My heart is stuck between rhythms.

"I can feel the distance... I can feel the distance..."

The song finishes. Tori stays at the piano, her polished nails poised over the piano keys and her funny-shaped lip still shaking and just, just, touching the microphone. It is very quiet in the bar. The few customers are all, like me, mesmerized.

Finally, the Muse releases her and Tori is able to whisper a very faint, almost hoarse "Thank you" into the stillness.

This releases me. I stumble forward, the half finished Pepsi, forgotten, sweating a large wet circle onto the Formica tabletop.

I pull a bill, I don't know what denomination, out of my pocket and slip it into the brandy snifter. Tori doesn't even look at me as she begins the initial notes to 'Happy Phantom.'

I bend close to her ear and whisper a throaty, "Thank you."

The barest hint of a smile plays in the corners of her too-red lips. The curls of her red hair then move to cover her expression in that way that only women's hair can.

I touch her shoulder with a very brief squeeze, then hurry toward the door and whatever waits outside.

The world looks remarkably fresher and cleaner as I emerge from the bar. And I can die happy, because I have experienced Tori Amos singing 'China' in a smoke-filled bar.

Cursing

Fuck.

That is one invective that just rolls off the tongue. It actually feels good to say it. You almost bite your lower lip to begin and the sound starts way in the front of your mouth. Then it moves back into the schwa sound in the middle and seems to reverberate around your entire, open mouth. Then it ends at the far back of your mouth in a near spit as you hit that hard “k” sound.

And it is very useful as a curse, isn’t it? Surprise, anger, consternation, envy, even a rough form of sensuality can all be expressed with this one word. You can even use the single word and let it roll around on your tongue until you get the right feel; “Fuck!” “Fuck?” “fuck.” “FUCK!” I’m sure we’ve all heard the little sound bite that floated around the internet a few years back about how it can be used as nearly all parts of speech; “Fuck the fucking fuckers!”

“Fuck” is my favorite curse word. I’ve never liked saying “Shit.” I use the lesser evils of “Damn” and “Hell” a bit. I never, ever use “Cunt” - I hate that word. I rarely use “Bitch.” “Crap” is said, but just doesn’t sound as good.

I pick my times and places to say “Fuck.” While it is true I sometimes fall into a streak where I’m cursing like a sailor, most of the time I pick what I say pretty carefully. I only whip out a good “Fuck” when I think the word will add to the meaning or emotion of a sentence or a moment.

I also rarely curse at work. It’s just not polite. Now, the guys in sales and marketing, they curse a lot. I hear some of the product support people and almost see the blue clouds over their heads. I, however, chose my times and my places.

Let me wander closer to the point of this message: Because I generally curse judiciously and with thought, people pay attention. And, really, isn’t that why we use curse words in the first place? We want to get people’s attention and show our emotion at the same time. But if you use those words in everyday speaking, they lose their appeal and power to persuade.

If every morning I came to work and said “What the fuck is up, bitch?” to my boss, outside of being fired, she would grow accustomed to hearing that kind of language from me. If a time came when I really needed to punctuate a point, she would miss it. The punctuation would drown in the white noise of cursing I created by over-use of those words.

And so I reach my point: let’s all step back and rein it in, eh?

Thursday Thoughts

If I was CEO of either Target or Kmart, or any one of the (few) competitors of Wal-Mart, I would use the current political climate and take my store in a different direction.

Wal-Mart’s ability to give us low prices is based on its size and willingness to use foreign products, which can be manufactured in many second and third world nations for much cheaper than America can make the same product. By leveraging its size and its access to these incredibly inexpensive items, it can force local manufacturers into deals that then force those manufacturers to look at ways to lower their own costs—which usually winds up being downsizing or outsourcing. Either of these choices takes money away from both the American workers (they are out of a job) and the American economy (both through job-loss and trade inequities).

I would do the opposite. As head of Target (say), I would shift my store focus to using as many American company products as possible and trying to especially pursue those items made IN America. Those items that were not made in America, I would clearly label in my stores. I would then change my advertising focus to say, in essence, “Our prices are higher than Wal-Mart’s, but all of our products are made in America. We focus on things made in America by American workers and American companies.”

With the hot-bed issues of patriotism, nationalism, and the fear of outsourcing work offshore to other nations, I think this message would sell. If it does sell, the resulting purchases would help boost the American economy by keeping jobs and money inside the United States.

Unless America can figure out a way to replace the blue-collar jobs it is losing, Americans are looking at even leaner times ahead. As China, in particular, moves into the first-nation status and exerts more power in the global economy, America's economy will get weaker. Any nation or area that can take American jobs and do them cheaper and faster will get increasingly more work from companies looking to compete. The cycle will continue until we are, like many former world-leading nations in Europe, marginalized and forced to enter unions of nations to bolster our economic strength.

Or, we can do everything in our power to bring those nations along at an even faster clip. The faster those nation’s economies expand and grow, the more quickly they reach the same manufacturing costs as are in America and the prices stabilize and competition returns. But I don’t see that happening any time soon!

Rendezvous Revisited

In talking with people about my previous post, I found an interesting note: men were sympathetic (although I got a lot of ribbing about it) while women missed the point entirely and wondered why I didn’t do more.

First, to clarify for the women: yes I noticed a lot of individual details. When I retold the story, it was after I had put the evidence together and come to a conclusion. Doing so makes for a better story. During the actual event, I was noticing individual details and was not connecting the dots to form a whole. It’s like that old saying about something lost that you find in plain sight, “if it had been a snake, it would have bitten me!”

Secondly, in speaking about the event among various women I discovered that all but one of the women asked why I wasn’t more aggressive, why I didn’t do more. After explaining the point I just made (about seeing each thing as an individual event and not connecting the dots until later) I followed with a question of my own, “How many men have you asked out?” Of all the women I spoke to (in double digits), only one responded that she had asked a man out. One woman even went so far as to say she had never asked out a man and she never would—it was the man’s responsibility. Only the one woman who had asked out a man sympathized with my tale told, because she understood the stresses involved with laying yourself out there and being bold.

The point I am making is that this recent event has really highlighted hypocrisy in the women I know. They want equality, they want to make as much money as men, they want to have the same opportunities as men, they want to be considered more than just ovens for offspring-- all of which I agree with. Yet, when it comes to romance and relationships, nearly all of them want the man to make the first move, to pay for the date, to be aggressive (but not too aggressive), to hold open doors, to talk about her, and to take all of the risk.

I would argue that, if my conclusion about the restaurant incident is accurate, the woman who kept catching my eye is equally at fault. If she was interested, why didn’t she come up to me? Why didn’t she think of an opening line or give me a nod and a wave? Why didn’t she send a more direct signal?

According to articles on the subject, the biggest fear of the average person is public speaking. This fear ranks higher for most people than death or that which can kill them (shark attacks, drowning, car accidents, et al)! Asking a woman out has all of the same pressures of public speaking:

• You are usually speaking in a crowd, albeit a small crowd of a few people;
• You don’t know how what you are going to say will be received;
• You are worried about forgetting what you are going to say;
• You worried about public embarrassment; Etc.

Every single fear you, reading this right now, have about public speaking is present. In addition to all of these fears, the man has two additional fears to include.

• Fear of rejection. What if she doesn’t like me? What if I’m reading the signals incorrectly? What if she, or her friends (because how often is a woman alone?), laugh at me?
• Fear of acceptance. What if she says yes? What do I say after that? What can I talk about? Should I compliment her, and what on? Am I talking too much about me? About work?

I’ve asked out my share of women. In college and afterward, I went out a lot, less often these days. And yet, even with that practice, I still have to overcome many of those fears each and every time I ask a woman out. Every man does, to some greater or lesser degree. An aggressive, confident man, one who asks a lot of women out, is usually one who has a system in place that he is relatively secure will work in most cases. Because of this, he has mitigated many of the fears. People who are naturally more outgoing are going to have a small advantage over those who are more introverted. Those who are better at reading the signals and body language have an advantage over those who are more obtuse.

In the end, I didn't piece together the clues I was given by my admirer in the restaurant. She didn't overcome her own fears and approach me or she was totally expectant that I would make the first move. In the end, who is really at fault?

In order for us to understand each other better, I have some homework for the women who read this.

1. Be direct. I want you to send less subtle, more direct signals when you show interest in the next man. He may be interested in you, too, but just is not sure of the signals he’s receiving or he may not be receiving them at all (as was my case).
2. Ask a man out. Go through all of that fear yourself, even if it’s just once. You’ll have more respect for the men who do approach you in the future.
3. Give us a break. As I heard it once said, “A man hopes he is having sex tonight, a woman knows if she is.” You hold most of the power in the relationship, use it wisely. The next time a shy, geeky, wallflower of a guy that you don't have any interest in approaches you, give him a break. Now you know some of the many obstacles that he had to overcome just to get the nerve up to ask you. Be nice.

And today I'm heading to the same place at the same time to see if the lady is there this week. If she is a student, it may be a routine that she stops by for lunch between classes or after a class. If she is there, I will look for even the most subtle hint and I will get up the nerve to walk over and introduce myself. Wish me luck?

Lunch Time Rendezvous?

So I'm eating lunch at Gina's, a local Italian place that I frequent (some of the best calzones in the area!). Two girls show up for lunch. One is about 5'4", slimmer build (but still curvy), glasses, long dark hair, and is wearing a shirt that just shows a touch of her midsection without being revealing. The other is a tad shorter, a more medium build. They look to be Indian or maybe middle-eastern. I smile at the taller one as she glances in my direction as they are looking for a spot to sit. I am surprised by her beautiful, dark eyes. Her lips have a slight natural curve to them that I find intriguing.

At first they move to sit outside at the shorter girl's insistence. Shortly, they come back in and sit at the taller girl's requested location, which happens to be directly in my line of sight. Throughout the remainder of my meal, the taller girl catches my eye and even smiles. I, of course, smile back too. Have to be polite.

A little aside: when I'm eating alone-- or alone in general-- I'm in my own little world. Specifically, while during lunch, I do my best to put the answering machine on and veg-out, doing my best not to think about work. While generally observant, I am not aware of many specifics.

Then a sappy/crappy love song comes on (by Backstreet Nsync to Men Badd-- whatever, one of those boy bands) and she once again catches my eye. I smile at her singing along, then return to my glazed over, nearly drooling vegged out state.

I finish lunch, top off my beverage, and leave. I do throw one last glance in said girl's direction and she is watching me leave. I sort of nod, then am out the door.

As I am driving back to work after lunch it suddenly dawns on me-- she was probably flirting with me. Sending subtle hints that I could, maybe, come over and say Hi. There is, of course, also the chance she is just flirting for flirting's sake. Many people do this.

I've been out of the loop too long. I've only gone on a few dates recently, and none have been earthshaking for either participant. This lunch time interaction had more chemistry even across the room than either of my most recent dates.

Now, I realize this girl was probably all of 21 or 22. Gina's is right on the campus of UC Irvine, after all. As I am rapidly nearing 34, this seems very young (even if I do try to present the Dirty Old Man image and joke about dating girls half my age). Those who are 22 and 34 are in VERY different places in their lives, and looking for very different things. But still-- I should be seeing/picking up on these signals! Is my testosterone on the blink? Has my lack of activity inured me to the wiles of those lovely females who may be interested? Are my nostrils no longer sensitive to the gentle wafting of the pheromones from receptive females? How many other opportunities drift by because I'm just plain too dense to register them?

A hint to the women in my life-- be blunt. I'm blunt and don't always pick up on the subtleties. I say what I mean and futilely expect the same from those around me.

So, now, all I can do is wait for the next time something like this happens and hope I recognize it sooner and can do something about it. And I can remember the girl with the startling eyes and strange curve to her lip.

Thursday Thoughts

I had another post for today (concerning how to reverse the trend of outsourcing), but recent events led me to make a new post. I'm sure I'll get the other one up sometime soon.
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Human beings have a split personality when it comes to other human beings. We want to think of ourselves as unique even though most of us are more similar than different.

An “emergency” came up at work today. Because someone did not follow the procedures, a few needed documents fell through the cracks and a client was complaining. I had to stop working on my existing projects, change gears, find out what was wrong, address it to everyone’s satisfaction, and then go back to what I had been working on. No one could see that this “10 minute change” would take me a lot longer because of when it was occurring, how long it would take me to figure out where the task was, get it fixed, then go back to my previous job and figure out where I was, and what I was doing before I was interrupted. When I asked one of the participants how long it takes her to “make a 10 minute change,” she replied “About an hour, when all’s said and done.” I then asked her why she thought it would somehow take me LESS time than her to shift all of my priorities around to do a similar task. Her response was a simple, “Oh, I hadn’t thought of that.” Most people don’t. I imagine it is the same for ANY person in ANY job—yet most of us don’t consider that.

This isn’t just true in modern day life. I am frequently amused when I watch or read about archeological finds or sociological breakthroughs concerning ancient man. A boiled-down version of Occam’s Razor says the simplest explanation is most often the correct one. Yet, when these academics are viewing ancient rock chips, you frequently hear the most complex rationalizations of how ancient man probably used it. I always smile and think to myself, “Well, what would WE use them for today?” Because, in the end, ancient man and modern man still have the same basic needs, desires, and outlooks. We have overcomplicated our lives with a bunch of technology, jargon, and useless knowledge and trivia with which we then overcomplicate our ideas on how ancient man came at things.

I was watching a PBS science special on Native Americans. We recently discovered a new burial mound with lots of flints in some unusual shapes. Two of the anthropologists came up with the most complicated reasons for why the stones were in the shapes they were and why each had multiple sharp sides to them. Then one scientist came on and basically said, “That doesn’t make sense. If I’m using a good stone that makes sharp edges, I keep using it.” He then sat down and took a similar rock and broke it so it had a cutting surface. He then explained, “Once this cutting surface is no longer sharp enough, I either sharpen it again by breaking it off some more, or I shift the rock around and break a new cutting surface from another side of the stone.” He then suited action to words. He went on to say, “If I’ve found a really good stone, I may even have multiple uses for it, having a broader blade on one side and a smaller, sharper blade on the other side.” Again he suited action to words. After only a few minutes, he had created a nearly identical rock to those that had been found at the site. The other two anthropologists looked a little sick to their stomachs as they realized all their overly complicated ideas had just been neatly squashed by a no-nonsense approach. The third scientist had looked at it from a perspective of “What would I do, if this was my only tool?” And, of course, modern man does the same. We don’t go buy a new axe at Sears just because our existing axe is dull. We get a metal file or other sharpening tool and make the blade sharp again or pay someone else to do it. Why wouldn’t ancient man do and think the same?

I hate hearing how my friends and family can’t reply to emails “because I’m so busy.” Yes, so? I’m remarkably busy too. We have only two people in our department and we are currently supporting four product lines. Our metrics show we have enough work for four to five people. Yet, I made the time to send you the email, to reply to your emails. Is your “busy” somehow busier than my “busy?” Of course not. The difference is I make it a priority to send and respond to these and you do not. Your priorities are different. That is fine. But don’t denigrate me by suggesting you and your time are somehow more important than me and my time simply because we have a difference in priorities.

I had a similar problem with my doctor once. My appointment was for 3 pm. I wasn’t shown back into a room until about 3:20 and then the doctor didn’t arrive to see me until about 3:40. He apologized for running late and I said, “Do you realize that my time is more valuable to me than your time is to me?” This stopped him cold, as he had never heard it put that way. I further explained that, by making an appointment, we had a tacit agreement that we would both stop what we were doing and meet at a specific time. I felt he was showing disdain for me and my time by being late. His actions implied that his time was more important—I had put my life on hold (leaving work, driving over, and sitting in his lobby and exam room) and he had taken advantage of that. And we all have friends, family, and acquaintances who have done this to us. Or we have done it to them. It is a very egotistical thing, as you are somehow setting yourself up as the better person in the relationship. It is somehow okay for the other person to wait, but how do you feel when you are the one waiting?

In my days as a manager at Blockbuster, through my days at QSI managing client expectations for software requests, and in my current job, I have learned that most people believe that they must say yes to a client and agree with every timeline that a client puts before them. Somehow, they think that saying no to the client will be a catastrophic failure and the client will leave and take his money elsewhere. Yet, few of these people ever step back and say, “If I were the client and this was about my car being fixed, would I want to be told this?” The answer, quite frequently, is no. People would rather have honest conversation and realistic expectations than to have the sales person say yes to everything and then have the support or account management person come back a month later with some sort of apology or explanation why the company couldn’t do it exactly as agreed or in the agreed to time frame. What I found specifically at QSI was that the clients we had were so used to the people in my position lying to them that they were shocked when I reset their expectations, explained the real timelines, and gave them valid reasons for why something costs so much or would take so long. By the time I left, most clients were quite happy with those realistic expectations and phoned me for more than they should have because they knew I wouldn’t BS them.

The point I’m wandering slowly toward is that the next time you are in line and you are getting angry at the person to whom you are discussing your issue, take a step back and say to yourself, “Is this any different than when I have too many clients to deal with and not enough time in which to deal with the issues?” You might find the anger dissipating and your ability to reach a compromise increases as you relate the situation to your own life. If you don’t like it in your life, it’s very likely that the person with whom you are dealing will not like it his.
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Aside:
I went to get lunch today and the KFC had screwed up my order. Rather than get upset, I thought about my own post and how it applied to the situation and was able to reach a happy compromise with the KFC staff person with whom I was dealing.

Thursday Thoughts

I love it when it rains. Matter of fact, I love any type of weather except for wind.

It’s raining today, the slow, steady drizzle where each drop is about a foot apart and falling in near vertical symmetry. The kind that you can almost imagine could last for days or weeks at a time. It’s light enough that the rain hasn’t turned the world cold and dark, but overcast enough that you can look at the world through lids half-lidded from contentment. The only thing better is the overwhelming silence that encompasses a thick fog.

This is the type of rain that thoroughly soaks the ground and enriches the soil on which it falls. A few weeks back we had a deluge, which super-saturated the ground, caused a bunch of flashfloods and mudslides but then washed into the sea and was gone. That kind of rain is purely destructive; it doesn’t last long enough to be enriching and it is powerful enough to cause destruction.

I think what I like about the slow, steady sprinkle is that, as it nourishes the soil, it also cleans. The air rarely smells as fresh or looks as clean as it does during and shortly after this type of calm cleansing. It’s like all the ills that humanity pumps into the sky and drains into the ground and water are made pure by nature again. It’s as if Mother Earth is shaking off our dangerous pursuits for a brief moment; she’s giving us a momentary respite to show us what we are missing—what we have messed up.

And this weather alters my mood. I become softer, my edges blunted. I’m happier, feel healthier, and am more forgiving. My boss today actually commented, “You’re in a chipper mood today. I haven’t seen you like this in a long time!” Well, it’s been a long time since this type of rain.

Under this canopy of clouds and precipitation, I gain new perspectives and contemplate the universe. I have no need to rage against the machine. I just sit, and breathe, and try to take it all in.

Usually I have a point to my posts and to my Thursday Thoughts specifically. Today, I’m just relaxed, mellow, and contemplative. My soapbox is put away for one day, and all the arguments and recriminations are flowing off me like the rain off my head.

It’s good to just be, every now and then. To just breathe.

PDFs of Existing Printed Work

Wizards of the Coast, the current publishers of the Dungeons & Dragons roleplaying game system, have started to release their books in PDF for sale. These books, which cost $29.95 for the largest (the Player’s Handbook) to the smallest (any of the new “splat” books), are being sold in PDF for the exact same costs.

The publishing industry has for years claimed the main reason the price of books has gone up is because the rising cost of paper, printing, binding, and publishing. If this is true, then why would a PDF of an already published work cost the exact same amount? In a PDF you don’t have the same advertising costs and there are NO paper, binding, or publishing costs. These are not new works, but ones that have been publish for at least 2-3 years each.

There are inherent differences between an electronic book and a printed book. For example, you can only use an electronic book online or you must incur the cost of printing and binding the book yourself (and considering the cost of the ink you use in your printer, that’s no small investment). Also, most companies that sell you a PDF or other format electronic book do so in some sort of proprietary way. Which means you can only use that book on your PC or only with a specific type of reader for which you often have to pay or at least register. On top of this, you are relying on the expertise of the person making the PDF to ensure you get a PDF that is searchable, printable, and correctly formatted for the electronic media. Trust me, I know. As a technical writer for a software company, much of my time is spent ensuring the source material will work in both a printed and electronic format and a lot of effort goes into that process.

With a printed book, you own it. It’s yours. You can write notes in the margins, you can put bookmarks to important sections, you can lend it to friends, and you can read it even when you’re on vacation and without your PC if you so choose, and you can roll your dice on it if you are short of hard, flat surfaces in your gaming environment. You don’t have to worry about formats, media drive compatibility, or if your friend’s PC has all the correct rights/permissions before loading it up to check something during your gaming session.

I understand Wizards of the Coast wanting to push their products into markets they haven’t yet reached. I respect and applaud their desire to make the item available in a less bulky format. However, if they want my spending dollar, they must price these PDFs accordingly. I might pay as much as $10 to have a copy of those books I refuse to pay $29.95 for and accept the limitations of the format. I wouldn’t even hesitate to finish my collection of their intellectual work if the PDFs cost $7.50 or less. But I will not pay the full retail price for an electronic copy of the material (and all the problems and limitations these create).

Instead, I’ll just ask my friends if I can borrow their printed copy.

Valentine's Day

Dove used to make a pink, plastic heart filled with heart-shaped chocolates. I believe they called it Dove Desires, or something similar to that. A few years ago, for two years straight, I received one of these Dove plastic hearts from an anonymous person on Valentine’s Day. No one, not my office-mate, not my other friends and coworkers, ever copped to being the person who left that gift for me.

What made it more interesting was that whoever left the gift had replaced every instance of the word ‘Desires’ on the card and label that came with the Dove treat with the word ‘Fantasies.’ As the card had a very steamy little description (I remember something along the lines of “Indulge your Desires”), replacing the key word with another had an interesting effect (now it reads “Indulge your Fantasies”).

To the best of my knowledge, no one else at the company received that particular gift under those particular circumstances. And it only happened those two years.

So, now, every Valentine’s Day I think of that gift and can’t help but wonder:

• Why replace the original name with the word Fantasy? Was I the fantasy, or did the person want to be my fantasy?
• Why didn’t the person ever fess up? I may have been interested. Even if I wound up not being interested, it would have been nice to know and share the memory with the person.
• Why did it stop? At that company we had high turnover; did the person leave because of the turnover? Was it voluntary? Did the person move on to someone else?

So, once again, it is Valentine’s Day and I am thinking of that gift and the person who left it. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, I thank you. I have created so many myths and fantasies because of that gift you cannot imagine. I continue to look back with wonder. I guess partly because I'm such a blunt person, I wouldn't think to do something like that, it makes it that much more intriguing to me that someone would share that anonymous gift with me.

And, even though I dislike surprises, each year I secretly wonder if something similar will show up on my desk again.

Thursday Thoughts

Technology is both a boon and a bane to our existence. We have the means now to store, track, research, and resolve most any question or concern that we have, however, that same capacity also limits our creativity, personal knowledge, and memory.

The television and the internet have made the world smaller and allowed us to get more information than ever before. Conversely, they also provide for biased information, the spread of hate and intolerance, and skewed views of the cultures and people presented. Both tend to cut back on a person’s creativity, attention span, and ability to focus. Cell phones, PDAs, and related gadgets keep us connected in a way never before imagined. The need to stay connected also allows students to cheat in school, rude behavior toward others to predominate, and an increase in information junkies who are addicted to their connections.

This conundrum is at its worst in the arena of politics. All across the globe, leaders and would-be leaders use these devices to manipulate the facts as best they can to keep their populations, and the rest of the world, as ignorant as possible. In this way, they spread disinformation and obfuscate facts in ways that distorts the positions and the facts so that they look good to their constituents and can get themselves re-elected.

The boon of this age is that there is all of this information available to help educate the masses. The bane is that, without context and meaning, plus with all of the disinformation at hand, it takes a great deal of effort to sift through the data and come to any meaningful conclusions.

I think it is time to start disconnecting, powering down, and taking a breath. Only by doing this can we gain the perspective we need on this overload of information and provide ourselves a means to handle the double-edged sword that our technology provides us.

Thursday Thoughts

I have enjoyed Smallville again this season, after the crap-fest that was most of last season's episodes. On last night's episode, however, the situations that came up really caused me to notice the inconsistent ways that the writers of that show treat their characters and past experiences.

Clark, for example, has many opportunities where he could easily reference situations from the past where he was right to follow his instincts, where the person in question did "get better," and where everything was a case of mistaken identity. Yet, when his parents are uncharacteristically harsh and accusatory over his relationship with Alicia, all Clark can manage is a stupified look.

Chloe, of all the characters on the show, should help people keep their facts straight, yet she was one of those who is on the bandwagon for accusing Alicia as well. Granted, she did not go as whole-hog as Lana, but she did give Clark some grief over Alicia.

Lana has been through so many of these situations herself (just how many times has she been possessed now?) that she should understand that things happen in Smallville that are so out of bounds that it borders on an acid trip. Let's see now, just off the top of my head I can think of the following situations where situations occurred in which she couldn't see the person: a super-speeder, someone using Clark's powers, an invisible person, a ghost, witches/magic, teleportation, and psychic abilities. All used to attack someone or do something in a way in which the person (or others) couldn't see who was doing the action. And this isn't counting the possessions, the switching of minds/bodies, or those with the power to mimic others making people think the wrong person was committing the acts. And yet Lana won't cut Alicia a little slack or believe Clark when he says Alicia was with him?

There is something to be said for having 'one-off' episodes that allow new viewers to jump on. One of the biggest problems with X-Files as it grew in popularity was that most of the episodes dealt with the overly complex alien abduction scenarios surrounding Mulder's sister. These episodes relied so heavily on the viewer's knowledge of previous episodes and the mythology of the show that new viewers struggled. Smallville has the exact opposite problem; they ignore so much of what has occurred in the mythology of the show that the characters look like brain-impaired idiots at times.

I realize it looks like I'm picking on Smallville. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the show (and last night's episode). I also enjoy catching episodes of other teen shows, like Everwood, One Tree Hill, Veronica Mars, et al. Each of these shows struggles with this same situational problem-- in order for the particular episode to work, the writers must ignore character's experiences and growth. How many times on a teen drama do the characters learn the lesson that not telling someone the truth at the first opportunity is bad? Yet how many times does this basic plot twist come up? How many times did Dawson, Pacey, and Joey have to ignore their past in order to keep something secret just long enough so that it could hurt everyone and snowball into three or four more episodes worth of angst, only to turn around and have the characters do it again a few episodes later?

I know it is possible to write shows that avoid this cliche. Gilmore Girls and Joan of Arcadia both have avoided this pitfall. Those characters learn from their mistakes and then make new ones. And the audience grows with them. I particularly like how Gilmore Girls actually references those past episodes in making a point. Just like in the viewer's real lives, where we learn from, or at least remember, our mistakes and think of them when a situation comes up that is similar. These writers play to the audiences intelligence rather than dumbing it down to the masses.

So, to the current TV writers out there: trust your audience. Write up to their intelligence instead of down to their ignorance. Keep your characters consistent and use past episodes as a mean of growth and engagement.

Exclamation

As I drove home last night, the sky was awash in dirty slate and indigo cirrus clouds way up high. In the center of this sea of sameness was one, deep-red, nimbus cloud stretched out a bit and broken just right to look like a large red exclamation point floating in the sky.

Then the sun went below the horizon and this emphatic sign melded with the purples and blues of the rest of the night's sky and was gone.

Personality Types

So I found and decided to take two different, but similar, online personality quizzes based on actual psychological tests.

On both of them, I came back as the "Rational/Architect" type and, specifically, INTP. I would have to guess that is very close to my actual personality results as both test came back with the identical results (even the percentages were in the same ranges for each personality descriptor).

What surprised me the most was how low the intuitive/perceptive scores came back. I have always lived my life based more on Wisdom and Experience than Intelligence or Book learning. That is the one area where my sister and I really differ; while both intelligent, thoughtful people, I was always the 'street smart' one and she was always the 'book smart' one.

But then I started thinking about it even more. For example, I always loved the sciences, all branches, but had trouble with the math. I always was strong in english, writing, comprehension, but was never good at new languages. I enjoy watching and evaluating people, breaking them down and figuring out how they tick-- as long as I don't really need to get to know them personally.

Now, people who know me are well aware of my introverted side. And it would be no surprise that I would score my highest percentage in that area. I work by myself, most of the fun activities I enjoy are solitary, and I don't like groups larger than my immediate friends or one-on-one encounters.

Very interesting new perspective on myself. And, here comes the Architect side of things, I'm wonder how I can use this information to invoke change (if change is needed)? These sites also didn't offer any suggestions as to which other personality types with which I would most get along.

To anyone who can offer suggestions: please do. It would be appreciated.

Masks

I friend of mine got me thinking today about the masks we wear. Or, not so much the masks we wear but how we act when we wear masks.

My friend is normally a conservative, quiet, proper woman. She has recently discovered the freedom involved with dressing up in costume and acting. At her company’s Halloween get together, as well as another event, she was in full costume and discovered the joys of singing and “acting the part” with her fellow employees. I mentioned how shocked our former colleagues at a company at which we both worked would be to see this side of her.

Playing dress-up and acting is just one mask people wear. Others include using drugs, most notably alcohol, as well as actual physical masks, and titles or positions.

In studies it is found that when people are served alcohol free beers without their knowledge, most individuals still exhibit the exact same loss of inhibitions and behavior as when served a drink. This begs the question: is alcohol really to blame, or is it an excuse people use for aberrant behavior? You just need to go to your company’s holiday party to see the types of things enacted under the guise of the "freedom" that alcohol provides.

Many people use positions of authority and their titles as a sort of mask. I have seen many people who I have known to be nice, normal, every day individuals who become near-lunatics when given an ounce of power. They use the excuse that they are the leader, they are in charge, as an excuse to berate and belittle others in ways they would never do if the positions were reversed.

Another area you see aberrant behavior from people who would never act that way normally is online. In chat rooms, on blogs and message boards, and in online games, you will see people purposely try to be upsetting and run contrary to others because of the mask of anonymity the environment affords them. In my current favorite game, City of Heroes, there was a person who used the Broadcast chat channel to spew anti-Semitic, pro-Nazi hate speech to all who were on that server. He thought he was untouchable to everyone; we just used the in-game services to petition him and that character was quickly booted from the game and the individual’s account was banned. His belief that he could anonymously spew his hatred turned out to be a fraud—the game tracked what he typed and, when I and others complained, they only had to track his messages to his character and on to his account where the person’s actual name, address, and credit card number were located. His anonymity vanished.

I think the last bastions of mask-wearing, and the most prevalent, are when we get into our vehicles and when we are at group events (like sports, concerts, parades, et al). Surrounded in that steel cage with tinted windows and sunglasses on, we act in ways that we would be ashamed of if caught in the supermarket or on the sidewalks. We speed around people, cut them off, yell obscenities, and engage in other destructive behavior. The recent melee that occurred in Detroit during the Indiana/Pistons basketball game is another good example. The mob mentality of those people was appalling; many people were throwing food and punches because they thought they were anonymous behind their mask of “crowd.” They forgot about the cameras watching every move that occurred.

There is a great line in an otherwise forgettable movie, Hollow Man, that Kevin Bacon’s characters says. Now, I’m quoting from memory, so forgive me if I don’t get it exactly right: “It’s amazing what you’ll do when you don’t have to look yourself in the mirror.” His character went on to rape an unsuspecting woman, cause havoc at the lab, and ultimately killed most of his colleagues. The masks we wear are a means by which we can avoid looking ourselves in the eye. The mask is somehow "someone else."

This natural tendency of human beings to do more when behind their mask can also be used for good. Someone once asked me why so many of the comic book heroes wear a mask. My answer was so that they could be free to interdict in events that they otherwise would be too fearful of reprisals for doing. Think about it; if a fearful man dressed as a bat flew in and stopped a crime, no one could trace who it was or wear to send the bill. If Bruce Wayne stops a crime, the criminals know who to target, the lawyers know where to send the indictments, and the police know where to go to arrest the vigilante/good samaritan who helpd.

Our police force and military are two good, real-world examples of how the mask of anonymity can be used for good. Because of their uniforms and the nameless, faceless quality they have with most of the public, police and military forces are able to enact their orders without fear of general reprisals. As the public, we see those uniforms and we immediately form a conclusion about those who wear it and virtually ignore the face staring back at us. Most of the time, this is a beneficial and symbiotic relationship that allows them to do their job and the public to accept it and feel safe.

We all wear masks, every day. Some of us have very a different public persona than our private one. Some of us wear a title or a badge to allow us the freedoms we need. Some look to drugs to mask insecurities or to mask a need to act in unusual ways. Some need a mask to grant freedom while others use it to hide sins. Still others seek to bury themselves in roles or to stretch their understanding through acting.

What masks do you wear?

Calvin and Hobbes

I miss the old Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. It so perfectly captured the angst of the world using its two anti-heroes. Bill Watterson was so good at driving his point home and showing today's reality through his protagonist's eyes. He had a way of perfectly expressing the child within all of us while pointing out the absurdities of the adult world.

I cannot help but wonder what he/they would have to say about 9/11, Enron, the (second) war in Iraq, Martha Stewart, and a host of other problems that have cropped up since this strip was cancelled.

Relaxing over Christmas 

Servicing the Customer or Providing Customer Service?

I'm in the process of buying a car. Being a good boy, I went through the process at my bank first to ensure I had the financing. I had already done the research and settled on the car I wanted. As my bank is closed on the weekend, and I bought the car on Saturday, today was the first day I could contact the bank and set up the loan closing appointment with them.

I had been speaking with a pleasant woman named Martha whose uncertainty about certain things made me think she was a little new to the process. However, this is not a problem with me as I'm generally a pretty amiable fellow and I am rarely in a rush. I've spoken with Martha three seperate times concerning the issue and she has been helpful each time.

Today I set up a meeting with her for 1 pm (my lunch hour) at which time I would present her with the paperwork, she would go over them, and type up the final papers from the bank for my signature. About 20 minutes later I get a rather abrupt phone call back from one Abigail (who I learn later is the assistant branch manager).

Abigail is telling me a very different story. She says I cannot come in without first faxing the paperwork to the office for them to go over and do some preliminary work on. When I explain that I do not have access to a fax, she asks me if I can go somewhere that does. I politely explain that I am at work, and I will be going to their office during my lunch hour, so, no, I cannot go somewhere and get them faxed early. Abigail continues to be a "negative nancy" about every comment I make. I offer solutions, like stopping by today to turn in the paperwork and waiting while they do the paperwork. No, you can't do that! It'll take us 2 hours to do this! How about I drop off the paperwork today and schedule an appointment for tomorrow? No! We need it now! Everything was no, no, no. She refuses to work with me on a solution.

I then politely ask if there is someone else at the bank with whom I can discuss this issue. She hesitates, then says that the bank manager is there. I again very politely ask to speak with him.

Adam comes on the phone a little while later. I explain that I have had three very nice conversations with Martha and she has explained what I need to do, that it may be a wait if I go in today for everything, and that I do not have ready access to a fax machine. I then further explain that from the moment Abigail called me, she was impeding this process and was a hinderance to me completing this transaction by blocking every attempt at a solution I provided.

Adam explained that Martha was new, that she was still training on this process, and that she may have miss-spoken the time needed and needs of the bank during our conversations. He then apologized to me for Abigail's poor customer service and answered a further question from me by explaining that she is actually one of the assistant managers of the branch. I then offer to him the same solutions I gave to Abigail and he not only says that any one of those is perfectly acceptable, but also goes on to suggest two other alternatives that I may use in order to finalize this process.

I thank him for his time, explain that I will be in at 1 pm to see either him or Martha, and that I did not want to have further dealings with Abigail on this matter due to what I felt was poor customer service. He apologized again and said that he would make sure that Martha was available to me at 1 pm this afternoon and that we could then make a new appointment to finalize the paperwork once she had everything she needed.

Now, why couldn't Abigail be as helpful and understanding as either Martha (the person in training who doesn't have the experience that she has) or Adam (who you would think would only promote someone who was customer-service oriented to be an assistant manager)?

I Think I Think

• If I am going at or under the speed limit, if I’ve engaged the clutch and am coasting up hill, and if I am still catching up to you, you may be traveling too slowly for the road.
• Don’t women know that size matters to men, too? (And I’m not referring to breast size, ladies.)
• The way people act toward each other, what they want, and the struggles of the sexes, has really changed little over the centuries. Mary of Nazarene and Mary of Magdelene would have had a lasting influence, a reactive relationship, and a profound effect on Jesus and on the founding of Christianity. Of course the threatened males of the time wanted to minimize the women’s role and maximize their own—just like men today try to do with smart, driven, opinionated, influential women.
• Love and Hate are not opposites. They are different aspects of the same coin. Apathy is the opposite of any of the passionate feelings like Love and Hate.
• Fear is the one thing that holds humanity (as a whole and as individuals) back more than any other single influence.
• “Lost” will ultimately fail because it is too convoluted. It should have been a television maxi series where the creator, writers, directors, and actors had a definite beginning, middle, and end in mind. It will devolve into melodrama sooner rather than later, with progressively more absurd plot devices to keep the “tension” and “mystery” high.
• Back when there were only three networks, you got the three best ideas on the air for any one hour of television from each of the networks. Those three ideas had to beat out the hundreds of others that other people came up with. Now that there are 500 channels, of course there is a dilution of the talent and quality of what you can watch. With that dilution viewer migration is inevitable (to channels with items that interest them and to other outlets for their time).
• Women want someone who is tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart, who will act like a bad-boy and the dangerous type they are attracted to, yet will be really sensitive and treat them well. Ladies, he doesn’t exist. A bad-boy will always stay a bad boy—if he treats you like dirt now, he will always treat you that way.
• In the late 1800s and early 1900s, Nicola Tesla foresaw and helped to realize much of the modern world in which we live today.
• Why is it that, as our vision blurs with age, our perception clarifies?
• Unless America finds a way to keep jobs here and make them worthwhile, it will kill itself slowly from within. We are already hemorrhaging.
• When I see certain actors in movies, like Morgan Freeman and Philip Seymour Hoffman, I expect a certain level of quality. Conversely, when I see certain actors in television products, like Dean Cain or Lorenzo Lamas in a Sci-Fi pictures original, I expect a certain level of quality.
• There are glaring holes in both the theory of Creationism and the theory of evolution/big bang theory. Yet neither is mutually exclusive. Why must we fight over this? If you believe in God, why must you discount that He may have created the universe in such a way that it could then perpetuate itself (while also having inherent tests of faith)? If you believe in science, how can you ignore the nearly impossible leaps and subtle design that are found in all branches of all sciences?
• Human beings are generalists. Anything that pushes us to an extreme is likely bad for us. This is true in every aspect and facet of our lives.
• If you slow down for every green light, you fulfill your own prophecy that one of the next green lights will turn yellow and you will have to stop. Drive with the flow of traffic.
• Western medicine ignores the patient in order to solve the problem. Force your doctor to talk with you, not at you, and take an active roll in your own health. It will make your doctor pay attention and learn even as you are learning from him. If your doctor refuses you this, you need a new doctor. If you can make yourself a human being to your doctor, instead of a social security number and an HMO paycheck, you will get great care.

Catharsis

I look back at what I wrote on Friday and am amazed. I guess sometimes you just need to vomit that out of your system to allow yourself to reflect, move on, and gain perspective. As a technical writer in my career, I am amused by the poor grammar and other mistakes I see throughout, but I’m going to leave that post as is. It stands as a truly emotional release—and something I really needed.

Now, of course, the questions: Where do I go from here? What change can I enact to make sure things don’t get this bad again? How can I start releasing these emotions in a way that is healthier and less constrained?

I managed to hit on a wide variety of topics, each of which must be addressed. As always, after the revolution must come the rebuilding. If you have any suggestions, feel free to post them.

Lastly, thank you for the kind words you have posted in response. They mean a lot to me.

The day afte Thanksgiving, 2004

So in high school my best friend died. I was literally the first student on campus to hear the news; the principal of the school, Mr. Cole -- a good friend to the family, told my mother (who worked at the high school) who then walked over to me in driver’s education. She pulled me out of class and told me, giving me a big hug.

I went back into class and everyone knew. All they had to do was look at my face and they could that something was wrong. It took Chris Elliott three times asking me what was wrong—when I said it, I think it was too loud because everyone in the class knew. Suddenly I saw what my face must have looked like.

As the next period began, Mr. Cole came over the loud speaker and announced it to the school. My French teacher started to cry, my sort-of girl friend and the time, Pam Bailey, gave me a hug. Chris Munroe (I know a lot of Chris’) got quiet.

I didn’t even know it but I got up and just walked outside. The teacher didn’t try to stop me—everyone knew how close I was to Tennyson. Everyone knew I went to see him in the hospital as often as I could.

Pam followed me outside. I was just standing there. She pulled me close and made me sit down and gave me a big hug.

I have no real memory of the days between her hugging me and saying it would be okay and the funeral. Just, all of a sudden, I was there. Mr. Reyes, Tennyson’s dad, had asked my mom if I would speak at the funeral. He wanted me to say something, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to see him in the casket, either. At least Chris Elliott, Tennyson’s other best friend was able to suck it up. He spoke, and said the right things. He was able to give the Reyes’ what they so very much needed. We both took positions at the front of the closed casket and walked it to the hearse. That helped a little.

And I didn’t cry.

When my parents got divorced, I didn’t cry. I was strong and quiet for my sister, who did cry. I thought she needed it, and I thought one of us needed to be strong. Little did I know then that by her crying, she was the strong one.

I didn’t cry when Jennifer went back to Michigan. I didn’t cry when she came back so, so different. I didn’t cry when she found the solace she needed in Shane and I thought I was genuinely happy for her when the got married. I mean, she found the piece she needed in him that I had once provided. The silver cord that connected us was severed. And I didn’t cry.

And then ten years ago I was diagnosed with a rare liver disorder, autoimmune liver disease. My doctor’s were baffled because the autoimmune disease typically strikes women and typically older people. I was male and 24. I took it in, I didn’t cry, I was strong. When autoimmune liver disease became rheumatoid arthritis in my joints, I only cried once. I woke up one day with a lower left leg the size of a football. I couldn’t walk and I was scared. I finally cried that day. But within an hour I was okay; I sucked it up and found my strength again.

The next time I found to cry was in the stupidest of times—I was home from work, sick again, and was watching AI (Artificial Intelligence). As the little boy staring forever at the statue of the blue fairy, I found something heartbreaking. It so reminded me of the little boy inside me who is seeking his own blue fairy and just doesn’t seem to find him.

When my mom fell and broke her shoulder the first time, I didn’t cry. I was strong for her. When she fell recently and rebroke the shoulder, I didn’t cry. I rushed out there, I took care of her, I bought her meds and got her to the point where she could find her own strength and plan for the future. And I didn’t cry.

Recently, a new friend’s dad died of a complication brought on by his own liver disease. Marcus is such a good man, a loving husband, a giving father. He seems so able to handle it. He seems so strong. Seeing that “strength” I always thought I had shown exemplified in him, plus the added knowledge that I could so easily fall to the same complications that his dad did, breaks my heart.

And, today, when I’m catching up on my old Joan of Arcadia episodes I came across the one entitled Friday Night. In this episode, Joan’s best friend Judith is killed. But not right away, which I could have handled. No, she goes to the hospital where they do everything they can to save her. This full-of-life girl, so similar in that regard to my pal Tennyson, is lying in a hospital bed slowly failing. Tennyson lingered on for quite some time before he succumbed. And Judith asks Joan to juggle. She wants Joan to be okay, so she asks Joan to juggle. But Joan can’t juggle. And then Judith dies.

Later, Joan is with her other friends an God arrives. God tells her the old story of the man and the three boxes and the bridge. Where the bridge is rickety and the man weighs enough that he can’t get across with his boxes, unless he keeps them always in the air.

And Joan juggles. Suddenly, she understands. The boxes are the burdens we carry, our hopes, our dreams, our everything. We have ups and downs, trials and successes that we must all juggle to make it through. And she juggles.

I’ve been holding Tennyson’s death and my need for strength. I’ve been trying to be the mediator keeping everyone in my friendship group together because I’m scared they will fall apart like my parents marriage did. When my sister’s marriage was rocky, I tried to be strong for her and be there for her. I’m scared for my nearly 60 year old mom’s health and her retirement.

And I’m scare for my own health and what it means for my future. I’m already scared to death to have a long-term relationship with a woman because I have to share that I’m sick and may not be in it as long as she is. I’m scared of how this mythical woman will take the news. I’m scared of passing an autoimmune disease on to any children we have.

I’m tired now. I think I need to lay those boxes down and juggle other things now. I don’t know what else I can focus on, but I need to lay these fears aside and do something else else.

I just can’t keep smiling and being strong for everyone else anymore.

I see my friend Chris Luff being strong. He has gone from being an introvert to finding new friends. He’s gone from not being in relationships to juggle a couple of girls. And one day he said, in a quiet moment that I bet he thinks I’ve forgotten, that he see my health declining and how fearful I’ve gotten, and how I just plain can’t do everything anymore. So he’s going to live now. He’s going to jump out of planes and go white water rafting. And he’s going to talk to the girls and buy a house.

I want that too.

And I’m crying while I type this. I’m crying so hard I can’t catch my breath and my fingers are tingling and my stomach hurts.

Because I don’t know what to DO with all this any more.

As long as their is life, there is hope. And maybe these epiphanies will serve to guide me in the right direction. Maybe just saying the out loud, to the world, even if it is semi-anonymously will ease the burdens, release the pressure cooker I’ve become, and let me start taking those steps away from these burdens I don’t have the strength for any more.

Maybe I can refind ME.

Biting the Hand that Feeds You

Marvel Comics is in bankruptcy. They screwed themselves in the 1990’s by overextending themselves, financing bad projects, and believing the record sales of the collector’s market would last forever. When the bubble burst, they were left with overpaid artists (not writers, because Marvel never pays for good stories, just astounding artwork), properties that had lost 50% or more of their trademarked value, and stretched so thinly they couldn’t stand under the base that was left. They also are fighting some pretty nasty lawsuits, recently losing one to a comic book writer/artist who sued them for the rights to one of his creations and won, further lessening their hold on their products.

Early in 2004, Cryptic Studios and NCSoft released a PC game entitled City of Heroes. In this game, the user can create virtually any super hero he can imagine. With the thousands of costume combinations, hundreds of power/ability choices, and the virtually unlimited naming options they made available to their user base, Cryptic knew that they would have some individuals who would try to emulate their favorite published comic book heroes. So they included in the EULA (end user license agreement) stipulations about using copyrighted and trademarked information within the game. They also aggressively mine their database of names and the in-game moderators enforce name changes for anyone who uses a trademarked name.

City of Heroes hit the market at a good time. It has approximately 200,000 subscribers and has ranked in the top 3 of the game sales charts every month since its release (and in the top position for three months straight). I also note that none of the video games using Marvel Comics trademarked material has made even the top 10 during the same period of time (and they have released at least one major title in this time).

And now Marvel Comics is suing both NCSoft and Cryptic Studios for trademark infringement.

I understand that the trademark laws are such that you have to sue in order to maintain control of your trademark (unlike copyright laws, where you can choose whether to sue someone). That being said, Marvel Comics is biting the hand that feeds it. City of Heroes has brought many fans back to comic books who have either never collected or who have been away from it for many years. It has brought PC game fans who never liked comic books and super heroes into the fold. If my local comic book shop is any indication, it has boosted sales across the board as new readers start to pick up titles. In a time when Marvel Comics needs all the readers (and money) they can get to crawl out from beneath the morass they put themselves in, they are striking out and hurting one of their best free sources of potential new customers.

You notice that nowhere in the above article does it mention that they tried to cut a licensing deal with Cryptic. Nowhere does it mention Cryptic Studio’s EULA and aggressive defense of Marvel’s, and other comic book companies’, intellectual and trademark properties.

If the message boards for City of Heroes are any indication, many people who are fans of both comics and the game are going to stop buying Marvel products (and some have indicated they will stop going to see movies using Marvel characters) until this lawsuit is resolved in favor of Cryptic Studios. Others have said they are so disgusted with this lawsuit and Marvel’s antics they will never go back.

In one fell swoop Marvel Comics has managed to alienate their biggest source of new fans and possible income as well as offend and drive away existing fans and buyers of their product. Instead of lauding Cryptic Studio’s efforts to maintain Marvel’s trademarks and trying to work with them to promote comic books in general, they bite the hand that feeds them.

And as one final comment that really shows where Marvel Comic’s interests lie: yesterday I bought this week’s comic books. About half of them were Marvel Comics. Every single one of them had a center-book, two-page, full color advertisement for City of Heroes in it. In case you don’t know, this is the most expensive size and location in which to buy an advertisement in a comic book.

Shame on you, Marvel Comics.

City of Heroes

My friends have been surprised that I finally went over the edge and started playing an MMORPG called City of Heroes (CoH). I have generally only played single-player games or those (like Diablo) that can be played either way.

CoH is a game using the super-hero genre. As a comic book geek and a lover of super-heroes, myths, and legends, the idea of this game really appealed to me. The only thing I was unsure about was the fact that it was a massively multiplayer on-line roleplaying game (MMORPG). This meant I had to purchase the game itself, and then had to agree to pay a monthly fee to have access to continue playing it after the first month. I quickly was hooked, and let me tell you one story that explains why.

This weekend I played CoH using my "main." He's a Tanker who uses Super-Strength and Invulnerability to take on foes (like the Hulk). I decided to join a special Task Force that allows you to respecify your character, which I had never done before. I hooked up with 8 Heroes and we set out on the mission.

Shortly after starting, we lost one person. Still, although slightly more difficult, we thought we could press on. The party still had a couple of Blasters (characters who use ranged attacks using things like energy, fire, ice, and radiation), two Defenders (creates forcefields to protect the team from damage), two Scrappers (an offense-minded melee fighter who is best against small numbers of foes at a time), and my Tanker (a defense-minded melee fighter who is great against multiple foes-- the more the better).

While my character is at his best when completely surrounded by villains and slowly wading through them, the rest of the group decides we will skip a lot of the battles and get as quickly as possible to the end-game.

The two Defenders aren't getting along. Soon, the jerky Defender tries to "screw" the team by quitting. He thinks that without him, the other Defender will be overwhelmed and the party will fail because of the massive number of villains we will be facing in the end-game. Frequently this is true because the mission was "set" for 8 Heroes and we are now down to 6.

A few of the people have done this mission before, but not one of them has succeeded. One poor guy (the remaining Defender) has failed it 3-4 times in a row and has massive Experience debt because of it. They explain that the final room will have 10 separate waves of villains assault the party in an attempt to destroy the reactor core to the nuclear power plant the powers the entire city. We must both defeat the villains and keep the reactor core safe in order to be successful.

The first 4 waves go okay. One or two of my teammates fall, but we have special tools to raise them and get them back in the fight. We have the lone remaining Defender doing his best to keep his forcefields up on all of his teammates while using his limited healing powers on the reactor core to keep that safe. In all this time, my Tanker is just laughing at the villains, and attacking at will. I don't do a lot of damage, but nothing we are going against can really hurt me either. I throw Inspirations around to my compatriots to keep them going as long and as hard as they can.

And then it happens-- on wave 8, the villains are powerful enough and numerous enough that first one, then another, and finally all 5 of my fellow Heroes go down! I'm alone in a large room completely filled with Sky Raiders attacking me and attacking the core. I back up until my Tanker is right in the core itself. I've lost my protection against the radiation damage the core is producing, but I am healthy enough to shrug that off for a long period of time so I keep pounding away. The aura of one of my powers, Invincibility, makes villains near me focus on me to the exclusion of others, which is helpful-- they stop attacking the core and focus on me and the more villains around me, the more powerful Invincibility becomes.

Three of my compatriots teleport all the way back to the hospital, two zones away. They heal and start running, flying, and super-leaping their way back to the mission-- but they are long minutes away from reaching the battle. Two others can get themselves back on their feet as long as they are not immediately attacked afterward; they will be extremely vulnerable for a short when they do stand back up. I laugh out loud, and throw more jabs and punches and try to keep the focus of the villains on me.

Minutes tick by as I pound away at the Hordes. First one, then another, and another of the villainous Sky Raiders goes down to my might. More move in to attack me. My two teammates now are clear to stand up, heal their damage, and wade back in. Soon after they do, the first of the hospitalized heroes arrives from their long trek back to the mission. Just as they show up, the ninth wave arrives while we still battle the eighth!

I continue to stand in the core of the nuclear reactor, throwing punches to the scores of villains attacking me! My teammates are worried because they can see that my radiation protection is completely gone, my health is declining because of it, and I've got so many villains on me that they think I must surely fall. I pound away from the center, while they, as a team of 5, work together to take out Sky Raiders one by one from the outside of the mob. The Defender is able to throw some heals and another forcefield onto the reactor core to help protect it even though all the villains are focused on me.

We soon, working together like a well-oiled machine, are able to finish off both the eight and ninth wave of Sky Raiders. I run to the next room, grab some more radiation protection, and come back to my other five Heroes just as the tenth and final wave attacks en masse. I once again leap into the core of the reactor, draw as many of the villains to me as possible, and pound away while my compatriots work together as a second team on the outside of the villain's mob.

At last, we stand triumphant! The Sky Raiders lay defeated on the floor and the party rejoices their success!

And each and every one of my fellow teammates congratulates me on a spectacular show of determination over adversity. They are all amazed that I could take the pounding that I did and come out of it unscathed. One goes as far as to say, "We could not have accomplished this mission without you!" And, as I believe a true hero would reply, I say, "I doubt that is true, but thank you for the compliment. It was a team effort."

Now do you see why I am hooked on this game? Where else can you defend the entire city's power supply from the nefarious evil of the Sky Raiders, have your team fall around you, make a lonely stand against a mob of villainy, and, with the aid of your resurgent Heroes, triumph over the hordes of chaos?

Boston's MLB World Series Victory

Boston won the World Series and lost a bit of its character.

Part of the mystique, allure, and soul of Boston was that they were lovable losers. The Curse was something that defined the region and the people. It helped to create one of the best rivalries in all of sports (Boston vs New York) and created a sort of counterpoint between the cities as well. New York City would do anything, pay anything to win. Boston was the also ran, the hopeful, the always denied. The nice, bookish, younger brother always in the shadow of the star, hip, older brother. Now Boston has lost that. People will start to notice now that Boston has the second highest payroll in ML Baseball. The expectations of the city and the fans have increased. The must-win attitude will sink in and you'll hear promises by players and fans to be back again next season. When/If that doesn't happen, you'll see more money spent, more trades made, less excuses accepted. Soon, Boston's front office will look just like the Yankee's. The business of winning will replace the fun of playing.

Congratulations on ending 86 years of close misses. I'm sure Buckner et al are quite happy to no longer be the butt of so many jokes.

It's too bad you lost your character along the way.

Death of a Superman

“You will believe a man can fly.”

That was the tagline and, for any boy who went to a theatre in 1978, it was true. Christopher Reeve played Superman (and Clark Kent) with such grace and wit and wisdom, that most people alive today cannot separate him and the character in their minds. Most of us, when we hear the name Superman, have a picture of Christopher Reeve in our mind’s eye. No matter how bad the movies got (and three and four were pretty bad), Christopher Reeve remained a source of strength, purity, and self-effacing courage in the role.

And then the “curse” struck him, too, like George Reeves, Kirk Alyn, Bud Collyer, and others. Reeve became paralyzed in a horse-riding accident. Rather than shrink from it, rather than be bitter and angry over it, rather than shy away from the lime-light and hide his infirmities from the world, Christopher Reeve found the courage to once more don the red and blue—this time proverbially—as a man of steel giving voice to a segment of our population that too rarely has one. He fought for medical research, funding, and relevance for those with spinal injuries and others. He kept a positive outlook. He leaped taller buildings and changed, even if slightly, the course of mighty rivers for those suffering these injuries.

Christopher Reeve continued to act and also directed some very well-received projects. He continued to inspire everyone around him with his determination. He said, “I will walk again.” And, like believing a man could fly, I just knew it would happen. Some day, some how, I believed he would.

Christopher Reeve died this weekend. I know he is flying now.

Rest In Peace

Antisocialism

Our country is evolving into an antisocial place. Where once our survival hinged on knowing others and working with them to gather what was needed to live, we now live in a world where you can almost totally do without human contact.

I can order nearly everything I want via the Internet today. This includes entertainment, clothing, food, and all manner of other products. I can pay my bills online. The Internet makes telephoning, writing letters, or stopping by to see someone irrelevant.

Cell phones mean that I can shut out the rest of the world and speak only to those with whom I want to share my thoughts. They also connect us to the World Wide Web and allow us to be more insular.

Internet chatting has replaced dating. Both at work and at home I can IM with people to alleviate the need to actually walk three cubicles over and speak with someone. If I do deign to go to the supermarket, I can now get my items and checkout at the self-serve aisles with absolutely minimal contact with others.

Technology has even gone the extra step and allows me to father children without having sex—one less need for contact with others. A few minutes alone, some internet-made contacts and transactions, and viola! I could be a dad with only minimal contact with any other human being.

As this technological isolation pervades our society, we are seeing a disturbing increase in antisocial behaviors and crime. Children are acting out more at school and not able to get along with their peers. “Fear of Public Speaking” is at such heights that more people are scared of this than are afraid of dying or involvement in heinous crimes. As a country we are getting fatter and our vision is rapidly deteriorating. Violent and antisocial crimes are on a steady rise. People can spew their hatred in any number of totally anonymous, and therefore safe, ways to any who will listen.

Attendance is falling at our national parks and monuments. Air and car vacations are declining except for those special holidays or occasions. For the past three years, attendance at movie theatres has declined.

How many people can name three neighbors? I know I can’t. I have the nice black couple across from me, the guy who rides bicycles shares one wall, and the Lone Vacuumer lives above me (who always has to vacuum at midnight). But their names? What they do? Their significant others? Of course not.

But what can we do to suspend or complete revoke this trend in antisocialism?

First, we need to take responsibility for our own actions. I realize this sounds like another isolationist idea. However, on closer inspection, I find that if people take responsibility for their own actions, they tend to start thinking of others. Part of responsibility is thinking of other people and how what you do affects them. This is the first step in getting people to include others in their thinking.

Second, we need leaders who think globally and act communally. Imagine if, after taking responsibility for ourselves, we started to look at the wrongs of the world in general and our community in specific. We could affect real change by servicing those ills. Our personal responsibility will then translate into communal responsibility.

Third, let us reintroduce the idea of fair play and honest competition. I believe this could evolve naturally from the first two suggestions, but I want to state it here. If our company will be fair to us, we will be fair to them. If our leaders are honest with us, we will be honest with them. Instead of stabbing everyone in the back and stepping on their hands and feet as you climb the social and economic ladders, why not try to help everyone above, below, and around you to succeed? Imagine what could happen at your workplace if the company was working to nurture its employees at the same time the employees were working to make the company and each other successful?

Last, we need to stop the rat race. Stop ‘keeping up with the Joneses.’ Stop worrying that Mary has that big shiny new car you’ve been wanting. Instead, be happy that she could afford it and keep saving for your own. So Jamal just got promoted to management, you are doing the best you can in your job and you will get the acknowledgement you deserve for it. So what if Kim got accepted to that prestigious school. She must have worked hard and had a great interview and essay. I will get the school of my choice if I am equally as successful.

Imagine how personable the world would be if those four steps were taken by each and every person. You would want to meet your neighbors, if only to acknowledge their accomplishments and be acknowledged for your own. We would go to parks both to have fun and to ensure that it is a clean, safe place for others to go. Homelessness, gangs, and general crime would be all but gone, as people would be working to help their community to prosper, taking responsibility for their actions, and playing fairly and honestly with one another.

I can dream, can’t I?

First Debate (2004 election)

The thing that struck me most while Kerry and Bush were "debating" each other occurred whenever they showed both candidates via the split screen. While Kerry was talking, Bush seemed agitated. When Bush was talking, Kerry seemed calm and understanding. Bush often had long pauses where he seemed unable to come up with the simplest phrases and names. Kerry seemed to have a good command of the facts and was able to "wing-it" and use many of Bush's phrases and goals against him.

To me, it was like watching a boxing match between someone like a Mike Tyson and someone like a Mohammed Ali. Tyson (Bush) is all about aggression and offense. He believes that if you are down on the canvas you can't beat him. So he invests everything in his strong offense and attacks you unrelentingly. However, this leaves him open to the opponent who can successfully outlast his aggression, survive his offense, or counter-attack him. Ali (Kerry), on the other hand, had a plan of attack in mind, but was creative enough to change his rhythm and his plan as the fight dictated. He would stand toe-to-toe with certain foes, would rope-a-dope against others. He would rile some up pre-fight and get in their heads. Others he would act all scared of and would lull them into a false sense of security.

Bush was intransigent on his points. He wanted to hammer home the fact that Kerry changed his position on the war and other issues. Kerry picked up on that and was able to counter-attack Bush by bringing up changes in information and situations that called for a leader to change tactics but showed that Bush did not. As Bush saw his points get turned against him, he floundered. He had trouble remembering both Kerry's and the Vice-President's names. He got agitated. He lost his "down-home" way of speaking to the common man and tried to bully his points across but jumping in and speaking out of turn. Kerry was able to stay his course, flow with the punches thrown, and land some good jabs in return.

When the moderator asked for specifics, I heard homilies and euphemisms from Bush. From Kerry I heard actions and time tables.

It remains to be seen who the American public thinks won that debate. The polls have not yet been released. While I am still undecided who I will vote for in November based on the issues, I can tell you who I felt looked and acted more “Presidential” during the first debate.

Freedom

Overheard at work:

Worker 1: "You have too many freedoms in this country."

Worker 2: "No such thing. But with freedom comes responsibility. We have too many irresponsible people in this country."


Amen, brother!

Nuclear Weapons

All through the Cold War, nuclear weapons were considered a mutually assured destruction threat deterrent. Because of the power to destroy humanity and cripple the planet for a long period of time, it was believed that no one would use nuclear weapons again (after World War 2). World safety was assured because the super-powers could not and would not use those weapons.

Now we have gone to war over one nation's supposed nuclear weapons and complain about other nations possibly developing their own nuclear arsenals. It is a poorly kept secret that Israel has nuclear weapons. We are in negotiations with North Korea to get them to dismantle their nuclear weapons development. UN inspectors are in Iran, questioning their use of nuclear material. Pakistan and India have nuclear weapons.

My question is: Why go to war over nuclear weaponry?

If what our leaders told us during the Cold War is true, that nuclear weapons are, in fact, too terrible to use because of their power, wouldn't the "safety" of mutually assured destruction in the middle east and other hot-zones create a new cold war in which world safety is assured?

Are those in power now admitting they lied to the world all through the Cold War? Or is it only a deterrent when the United States has those weapons?

----

What I think I'm learning about politics as I get older is that I'm too smart and too cynical for my government to let me live.

Our government is in the job of scaring us. The more fearful we are, the more control we give them. The more power they have, the less likely we are to educate ourselves or question their decisions.

Think for yourself. Question everything.

Idle Question (2)

Which series do you think has more quotes used to explain life's little foibles, The Godfather or Star Wars (episodes 4-6)?

I'm thinking it is more a question of the age of the person. If over 40, The Godfather. If under 40, then Star Wars.

"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse."

"Do or do not; there is no try."

Idle Question

In order to save your most cherished, would you rather:

1. Be murdered in a horribly painful manner?
2. Inflict a horribly painful murder on a random stranger?

Yet another of the strange and often unexplained thoughts that pass into my mind.

Basketball and the Olympics

I hope that this American "Dream Team" continues to lose at the Olympics. I wish this not because of any anti-American sentiments or ill-will I feel toward the players or coaches on the team, but because of ill-will I feel toward all those players who should be there but who are not.

There should be no greater honor than playing for your country in the Olympics. Big stars should feel a strong obligation to go out and show the rest of the world where they stand in comparison to our best. Unless you are injured, you should be there. Afraid for your safety? You earn enough to hire your own security.

That being said, a collection of super-stars can only go so far. I am not saying that this team cannot pull its collective head out of its collective ass and still compete for the gold. I am saying it was just a matter of time before the rest of the world caught up with America. Mostly because the talent is there AND the rest of the world plays team-oriented basketball. To counter this, instead of sending a collection of very talented individuals, we should send a team to the Olympics. The entire team-- including coaches. In this way, we have people who have played together for at least a season, know and understand their roles on the team, and who know and can count on their teammates in stressful situations. This is what the rest of the world does.

With as quickly as the rest of the world's talent level is catching up to America in this sport, sending over individual talent and hoping it coalesces into a team in a couple of weeks to months is not going to get the job done. As we learned from the Pistons' defeat of the Lakers in the last NBA Finals, a team of "lesser" talents can overcome a collection of individual talents.

Larry Brown and the Pistons would school the rest of the world using defense and quality team basketball. Brown has taught his team to understand and employ team-oriented basketball; offensively and defensively. And they have played together for at least 82 games plus the post-season, winning it all in the Finals. They have the chemistry and understanding of each other and the game plan to play against the best in the world.

I think that some of our best college teams could go and put up a very respectful showing at the Olympics, if for no other reason than they are a team first. These kids may not win it all for America, but they would play hard, show up for four quarters every game, and would battle.

Here's hoping the NBA learns from this year and changes its strategy for the next Olympics. Otherwise, we can look forward to being dominated in world play in our own sport for the foreseeable future.

Perceptions

People can be surprising.

I've been working on a project at my job for a few months now. It hasn't seemed to be going well at all; I have had to get my boss involved with it, the person with whom I've been working has been slow to turn around emails and phone calls from me asking for more information (or any info at all!), and deadlines have been something of a moving target.

And then today my boss forwards to me an email she received in which the person with whom I've been working praises the job I've done, says I'm the best writer with whom she has worked, and thinks all of the documents I've done for her are top-notch.

Just goes to show that our perceptions become our reality and that other people may not share in our vision.

What a surprise.