Sleep Paralysis and Night Terrors

I suffer from something called Sleep Paralysis. I have pretty much all of the symptoms; the images of someone or something crushing me, the inability to move (initially), and usually taunting, acerbic comments from the being keeping me from moving. Mine tend to occur about mid-way through my sleep cycle and most often involve the image of a dark, shadowy figure entering or suddenly being in the room. It is then that I become unable to fully move. The figure walks toward the bed and does something that involves crushing me. Sometimes that is supernatural in some way, other times it is simply getting on top of me to strangle or in some way smother me.

In my cases, as a child, there was usually nothing I could do about it. I would have to hope, in my head/dream, that something would occur to drive the figure away or make him leave. Oftentimes, my parents or my sister getting up, making some noise, or similar would drive the spirit away. As I grew older, however, and I developed some minor dream control (lucid dreaming), I have learned to fight against this figure and to literally “throw” him off of me. As soon as I can recognize the situation, the more quickly I can start the process of fighting back against this unseen assailant. I find that, as soon as I recognize what is going on and start to struggle, I regain some movement. This allows me to focus entirely on my chest, where the crushing sensation is always focused. My heart rate goes up and I have been told I start a strange thrashing around, as I can move everything except my chest. Although I may talk, yell, and have my eyes open during these things, until I throw this sensation off of me, or it is driven away, I am not awake. However, once it is gone I always wake up fully.

In this regard, my sleep paralysis has some traits in common with night terrors; another classic sleep disorder. Night terrors involve the increased heart rate, talking, yelling, or screaming, thrashing about, etc. The two disorders have some traits in common. Some have even argued that I use a night terror to rid myself of sleep paralysis.

I comment on this now as I had a classic example of sleep paralysis last night. I have no memory of any dreams prior to suddenly “seeing” an image of a dark, shadowy figure at the door to my bedroom (just inside it, as it was closed). I was instantly unable to move. As I became aware of my paralysis, I started to struggle and my arms and feet started to flail about a bit as I attempted to get “leverage” on whatever was on my chest. Once I was able to both mentally and physically get my leverage (there is always a willpower component to these dreams), I was able to make one huge heave and throw it off of me. The figure stayed in the doorway for a moment after I woke up fully, and then faded from my vision. And I was lying on my side and my arms were outstretched from the effort of the heavy lifting. My heart was beating pretty fast and I was a bit sweaty from the struggle. I am pretty sure I yelled out loud, “Get off me!” In this particular case, the figure had supernatural abilities; his mere presence and constant stare was enough to crush me. This time, I heard no taunts or laughter; he just stared malevolently at me and tried to kill me with his hatred.

This happens to me maybe once or twice a year. I used to get them 4-6 times a year as a child and young adult. They eased back during high school and afterward to maybe 2-3 times a year. I only remember one last year and now this one this year.

Unless or until you experience one, you cannot understand or fully comprehend the incredible feelings of helplessness and panic from this type of betrayal by your body and mind. As one who values the mind above all other things, and tends to rule himself with his willpower and determination, there is no more fully helpless feeling than to have this happen. And I also do not know what stressors bring on this feeling. Sometimes it happens during stress-filled periods, other times during peaceful and relaxed times. Sometimes it has happened right after a big blow up fight with someone close to me, other times when all my relationships seem to be going very well. It has occurred when I’m sick and when I’m healthy. When I have slept poorly for awhile and when I have been sleeping well.

It just seems to “be.” And that, for me, may be the single scariest component of the disorder.