Moving On

I found your picture and some letters today. Beyond the fond memories I have of those times, I felt nothing for you. You did your best to keep me hanging on by never allowing me closure to our time together. You knew me well enough to know that the lack of closure would keep you in my thoughts.

You knew I was one to hold things inside; to internalize my feelings and bottle them up. You used that to your advantage and I cannot blame you. I held you inside for much longer than even I thought I would, or could. Each letter and picture over the years, each word you use to dredge up the past and keep me locked in our little drama, was a great play on your part. You always were one to live in the past. Every step you took and every ploy you used was a masterful stroke in our little vignette. I give you one final bow, acknowledging the expert way in which you played me.

I’m happy to say, I’ve moved on. It took time, effort, and a lot of personal changes to start the process. Finally, it took meeting someone amazing to finish it. But I have moved on.

You taught me a lot. I look for very different things now. And I’ve found them in someone new. Even if we take not one step further in whatever it is we currently have, she has changed me for the better. That was the one thing you could never do; change me. I was the rock against which you broke yourself and, in breaking yourself, wounded me. Where you were difficult, she is challenging. Where you tried to wound, she nurtures. Where you spoke, she listens.

I am happy for your life. I hope the new location and people in your life suit you. I’m glad I knew you and I will treasure the time we had together. But now my sights are set on a new horizon, and one with unlimited choices and freedoms.

Enjoy the life you made for yourself. I am putting those letters and photos away. I’m cinching up the baggage in my heart that is you and placing it on the shelf. On the shelf, it can remind of those times so I never repeat them, but it can also safely gather dust in the dark.

I’m turning to a new page, grabbing an unused pen, and beginning to write new and exciting chapters to my life.

Goodbye.