The White Whale

Call me Ismael.

 

I went to Albertson's today for lunch. I ordered the Italian Delight. I said, in my clearest English, "I would like the Italian Delight exactly as it is written up there on that card. Nothing else." The woman to whom I spoke this plea was the manager of the department. I figured if anyone would get it right, understand me, and get me the sandwich the way I want it, it would be her.

 

Now, the card for the sandwich lists that it comes on a baguette, yet the lady asked me if I wanted it on a baguette... not a good start. It also lists ham, cotta and genoa salami, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, pepperoncinis, and Italian dressing. I figured I could remove the tomatoes. The way I ordered it was bound to get me everything else and nothing I didn't want, right?

 

Well, sort of.

 

The manager of the department, the only one in the department who lists English as her native language, decided that mustard and mayo are on that list. I've had this argument with her before. She firmly believes that, although the condiments section of the board (up at the top, separated from the sandwiches and ingredients list) says "your choice of," it really means "add to the sandwich unless the customer says not to." Which I don't get.

 

If someone came up to me and asked for everything on a list, exactly as that list states it and nothing more, I simply wouldn't think to add additional items to it. I may ask them about those items, figuring they haven't seen them or may be unaware they have those options, but I wouldn't just add them without asking.

 

It comes down to quality of effort, I guess. When I worked retail, if I was ever confused by a request from a customer, I asked rather than assuming. I believed in the motto "the customer is always right" and would do my best to get whatever it was for them the way they wanted it.

 

So, I sit and eat my sandwich after scraping off the awful mayo and plucking off the tomatoes. The mustard isn't horrible, but combines with the Italian dressing to make an interesting third flavor. I'm going through napkins like mad. The sandwich is overly wet due to having all three condiments (mustard, mayo, and Italian dressing) added.

 

I guess I either need to stop sailing after the White Whale or let it catch me, destroy my boat, and kill me as I stab at it's heart... .