Self-Image

I am not sure in which class I picked up the following idea, because I am fairly certain it is not unique to me, but I have used it to great effect and the people who have tried it have had moderate to profound results.

Get a timing device, a mirror big enough so that you can see your entire face, a well-lit room, and a comfortable place to sit. Set timing device for three minutes. While sitting in well-lit room in comfortable location, spend the three minutes looking at yourself in the mirror. By looking at yourself, I mean try to look yourself in the eye but, if you find this uncomfortable, then move your eyes across the rest of your face and back to your eyes. The point is to look yourself in the eyes for as long as possible until the three-minute timer goes off. This is not a staring contest, so remember to blink.

Simple, right? Wrong.

This exercise is designed to break down your self-image and rebuild it with truth. Most people seem to have a mental image of themselves at what they think was/is their peak. The image may include various times in their lives; the jocks body they had in High School, the cool hair they had during college, the great attitude they had two years ago. But they are currently overweight and out of shape, losing their hair, and coasting through life with a laissez-faire attitude.

On their first attempt, most people cannot look themselves in the eyes for much more than about 30-45 seconds of the three minutes. Many people find that they cannot spend more than a few seconds looking themselves in the eyes. Your mileage may vary.

I first did this exercise early in college. I was amazed by what I saw in myself, and a little worried. I saw an angry guy staring back at me; someone who had closed himself off from those around him. Someone who would rather manipulate the events and people around him than just enjoy them for what and who they are. After a few more exercises, I started to rebuild my self-image as one who was more genuine, caring, and concerned. While this metamorphosis still is occurring today, I feel I have reached a point where “Evil John” is a distant memory and “Good John” is the reality. As an aside, I was also able to recreate a self-image that involved the “follicle-challenged” hairline that is my reality. My previous self-image always had the near-mullet I sported through most of high school. Hey, don’t laugh, it was in fashion then!

I have recommended this action to many people. I did not always hear back from people if they tried it or what their results were if they did. A small sampling of responses I did get: one woman was surprised to see an attractive, confident woman staring back at herself; her self-image was meek and unattractive due to life events that had ruined her ego and destroyed her confidence. Actually, this is a frequent response from women, as we tend to constantly assail women with the idea they are not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough. One man was surprised to find a sad boy staring back at him. He had always overcompensated for losses in his early life with boisterous behavior and a “jock” mentality. By learning of the sadness he had inside, he was able to come to terms with it and move in different directions.

Breaking down your self-image is not for everyone. Some people will not like what they see staring back at themselves. And you should never force this exercise. It is not a contest and there are no winners. It is about learning more about yourself, and possibly coming to terms with who you are as compared to who you present yourself to be. Once you have this knowledge you can set about enacting changes and maybe move a little closer to who you want to be.

I wonder what you’ll find staring back at you?