I am all for getting abusive, predatory men out of the workspace so that women (and men) can feel safe. I applaud that, actually. But, and this is important, we have a system based on "innocent until proven guilty." I fear that the rush to judgment may cause some good people to lose their jobs with little more than an unfounded accusation of wrongdoing.
When I was in college, I was seeing a girl. We were not officially dating, we didn't go out, and we certainly were not exclusive in any way -- we just hooked up when it was convenient. One day, another girl asked the first girl to introduce her to me, which she did. This other girl and I hit it off very well and became something of an item. The first girl was hurt. I learned later from another friend that she was hurt enough that she told some of the other girls that she was going to go to the Dean and (falsely) accuse me of rape to "get back at" me. Luckily, all the other girls present were my friends, they realized that her doing that was wrong on many levels, and they talked her out of maliciously, and falsely, accusing me.
But, what if they hadn't? Even an unfounded accusation of rape would have likely changed my life forever! When my female friends told me of this, I know I turned all sorts of pale and was scared. Even the accusation without proof or substantiation would have likely ended my college career. That may have changed my entire life's path, my circle of friends, everything from that moment on. And that is just with an accusation. What if I was judged guilty without a hearing/trial and only on one person's (false) statement? Who knows how long and how hard I would have had to fight that accusation. I was very lucky to have such good friends who would stand up for me and talk her out of making a false accusation to simply get back at me for "dumping her."
So, having been on that side of things (or very nearly), I have a unique perspective on the fragility of position and I understand how malicious, unfounded accusations can change everything in an instant. Some of the men being accused today have had long-term rumors of their predatory behavior. Some have even paid financial settlements so that these activities will not come to light. In these circumstances, I agree that firing them is the right, and only, choice. There is existing evidence to show their pattern of behavior and wrongdoing to make this determination and act on it. In my opinion, they should also be charged and go to jail for their acts.
In some cases, however, I'm reading about nothing more than a couple of accusations with little or no substantiation. In some cases, it seems like little or no investigation into the matters has occurred. (I mean, really, is 12 hours enough time to do a full, "thorough" investigation into something that starts as a "she said, he said" situation?) Yet the man is fired and blacklisted immediately. What if some of these women are just jumping on an emotional bandwagon and using it to maliciously, and fallaciously, oust someone they don't like? What if there is no pattern of behavior or corroborating evidence (multiple witnesses, physical evidence like phone calls, emails, notes, etc.)? Do we summarily dismiss a man just because a woman accuses him? If anyone answers yes, then I start to get worried. Not every woman has pure motives and is telling the truth about assault, harassment, or rape. Not every man is a sexual predator, and just like no man should be believed without proof, neither should every woman be believed without some proof/evidence.
Also, what about a person's ability to change? In a few of these cases, I'm reading about accusations that are years, sometimes decades, old. If there are no new accusations, then maybe the man has changed? Maybe he has learned from his behavior and has changed it? Should we be firing and blacklisting someone who two decades ago was a lothario who harassed people but then, through some means, learned the error of his ways and changed? Isn't that a guy whom we want to keep around and maybe hear his perspective on things? Maybe he can shine a unique light on the situation from which other predatory males can learn something? I decry that the man was once this way, but I applaud him for changing, too.
Again, let me state clearly: if there is evidence that a man has committed any sort of harassment, assault, or rape, I want him out. I want him charged with those crimes, I want him to go to jail, and I want him blacklisted. But, please, take the time to fully investigate before simply throwing the man out. While I believe most women would not make up something as serious as a harassment, assault, or rape allegation, the fact that some women would makes me press pause and want to ensure we're all fully informed before blacklisting and ruining the life of anyone. I think we owe them that much, at least.
UPDATE
More quickly than I expected, a report came out that seems to mimic much of what I say here. The Aziz Ansari issue is in that gray area of only 1 person condemning him, and the reports indicating it is much more of a bad sexual encounter where Mr. Ansari either didn't notice or ignored her dislike for where things were going. Is this sexual assault or just a bad date/bad sexual encounter?
https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/1/17/16897440/aziz-ansari-allegations-babe-me-too
https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/1/17/16897440/aziz-ansari-allegations-babe-me-too
No comments:
Post a Comment