Questions

I few years back I developed a philosophy about people. I noticed in my own life and those around me that a specific question word tended to be the main reasoning behind many of our decisions. I started really paying attention to the people around me and found that I could see it happening on just about everyone.

Here, then, is my philosophy.

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Premise
Each person has a Primary motivator driving his or her life which takes the form of one of the six question words. Secondary motivators are one to two of the remaining question words, and often switch due to stress or circumstances in the person's life. The remaining question words are tertiary; they are motivators only as circumstances dictate and always after answering the primary and/or secondary questions.

Primary Motivators
As we were likely all taught in grammar school, or from Sesame Street, the primary question words are Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How. Here is how they operate:

Who - People are your primary motivator. You prefer interactions with others over tasks, issues of time or space, or wondering how or why something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to find out who is going to be there, who is doing what task, or who is involved.

When told there is a party Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "Who is going to be there?"

What - Tasks, items, and the concrete, are your primary motivator. You prefer the concrete over personal interactions, issues of time or space, or wondering how or why something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to find out what is going to be involved or what tasks need to be accomplished.

When told there is a party Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "What will there be to do?" or "What's going on?"

Where - Location/space is your primary motivator. You prefer to think spatially rather than about the tasks, personal interactions, time, or how or why something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to find out where you need to be (physical location) or where you are going (personally, professionally, etc.).

When told there is a party Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "Where is it?"

When - Time is your primary motivator. You prefer to think more abstractly about the past and the future, oftentimes to the point of ignoring the present. You prefer to reminisce about the past or envision the future over the concrete, personal interactions, where something is, or how or why something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to find out when you need to be there, when it is happening, or to think about how it fits into your schedule or about past events or circumstances that were similar.

Note: People motivated by "When" are not people who are concerned with today. People who "live for today" or who focus primarily on today and rarely worry about the past or future are always motivated by one of the other question words as their primary motivator.

When told there is a party on Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "When is it?"

Why - The reasons behind events, behavior, or circumstances are your primary motivation. You prefer to think about the underlying reasons more so than about the concrete, time or space, personal interactions, or how something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to delve deeper and figure out the reasons behind the events or situations. You like to know what makes things (and people, events, situations, etc.) "tick."

When told there is a party on Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "Why now?" or "Why a party?" (Also, "What's the reason for the party?")

How - The states and conditions of things, or the underlying method to something or that someone uses, is what motivates you. You prefer to think about the conditions of the events, people, and circumstances in which you find yourself over the concrete, time or space, personal interactions, or why something is the way it is. Your first response to most situations or circumstances is to find out how it makes you and others feel, or what conditions are present and may affect those involved.

When told there is a party on Friday night, you are most likely to ask first, "How is that going to affect our plans for Saturday?" or "How are we going to get everything ready in time?"

Note: How is an uncommon motivator. It bears traits with both Who and Why and often can be confused with them. If you are tending to be more concerned with the person involved than how they are doing or feeling, you are more likely a Who than a How. If you are more concerned with the underlying reasons for something than the state of it, you are more likely a Why than a How. If the underlying method of doing something or the end-result of the activity or circumstance is most important to you, then you may be an How.

Concrete versus Abstract
Who, What, and Where tend to be a more "concrete" or left-brained, logical, or analytic approach to the world. Why and How tend to be a more "abstract" or right-brained, creative, or even haphazard approach to the world. When can be either abstract or concrete, and often is both.

However, do not be confused or think that more logical people will fall into one set of questions or another. While these are the tendencies I have observed to-date, there are enough people who are a logical Why or How or a creative Who, What, or Where that no hard and fast rule may be applied in this philosophy. For example, while you can make a reasonable assumption as to the creativity of someone you don't know well but who seems to qualify as a Why or a How, you should also not be surprised if they turn out to be logical and analytical.

Secondary Motivators
The question motivators do not exist in a vacuum. Each of them swirls around in each person and different stresses or circumstances will cause certain additional questions to motivate us at different times.

That being said, I find that most people have usually one question word, in addition to their primary motivator, that seems to pop up more often than the others. After they appease their primary motivator, this is the next most important concern they need to have addressed before they can continue or that allows them to continue on once started. This is the person's secondary motivator. Sometimes a person may find two secondary motivators, one which occurs mostly when they are at ease and without stress and another that takes over at times of stress. So far, I have found this to be somewhat unusual; most people have a single secondary motivator that crops up in most circumstances.

However, the definitions and examples given above remain valid for the secondary motivator.

For example, I am a Why primary. The most important thing for me to know is why I am doing something. Without that answered, I find it incredibly difficult to start or proceed with a task or situation. Once I have resolved that for myself or been provided it by the person giving me the task or circumstance, I can start going. If I'm unstressed and feeling good, I usually next ask What. I shift from the Abstract of the "Why" behind something into the Concrete of "What" I am doing. However, in times of stress, I shift to a "How" motivation. Once I know why I'm doing the task or circumstance, I need to stay in the more abstract and find out what states or conditions apply, what methods I am going to use or ignore, and what my end result should be. This tends to make me good at working in structured environments with high-stress issues, but poor in working in unstructured environments without due dates or with poor procedures.

Gotchas!
Be careful of some of what I like to call "gotcha" questions.

If you ask, "What time is the party?", you might think you are asking a What question. But it is obvious that the time is the motivating factor. The motivating factor behind the question is the primary concern here, and the English language has some fairly complex ways of asking questions that can make it look like we're asking one thing, when we're really asking another.

How and Why questions can often start with a the word "what," for instance. "What can I do to solve this problem?" is a complex question that has many possible motivators to it: are you really asking about the task you can do to solve the problem (What motivator), are you asking about the underlying reasons behind the problem and trying to delve more deeply into it (Why motivator), or are you truly concerned with the method used and underlying conditions that apply to the problem (How motivator)?

My best advice is to "go with your gut." Even if you try to out-think yourself by asking yourself overly complex questions, your gut or instincts usually know what you're really asking. Try simplifying. Whenever an overly complex question comes along, break it down and search for the motivator that appeals the most to you on an instinctual level; go with your first instinct or first impression, it is much more likely to be right.

So, if you have the "what can I do to solve this problem?" question, you should break it down or think about your motivation: is your immediate reaction an image in your head of you doing something? Then you are probably motivated by what. Is your immediate first reaction question why are you doing it? Then you are probably motivated by why. Is your immediate first instinct a quick list of the methods you are going to use? Then you are likely how motivated.

Simplifying the complex and going with your initial first impression are both your friends. Use them!

Putting it to Use
So, how does this philosophy work in the real world? How does knowing this information help you to lead a better and/or more productive life?

If you know what motivates you, you can eliminate stresses in your life by seeking out the information you need to help you move forward. If you can make reasonably accurate guesses about the motivations in those around you, you can help ease stress in your life by providing them what they need (which eases stress in their life).

Getting What You Need
First, determine which is your primary motivator. Think back to times at work. When your boss came in and yelled at you about that project, what were your first thoughts:

• "Is he blaming me?"
• "What is he talking about?"
• "Where does he get off acting like this?"
• "When did this happen?" or "When can I explain what happened?"
  
• "Why is he so angry?"
• "How can I solve this problem?"

Also, what were some of the first questions or statements that you made to him when it was your chance to speak?

• "Who can we put on this project?"
• "What can I do to make it right?"
• "Where can I get the right information/people/etc.?"
• "When is it due?" or "When do you need it by?"
• "What has changed with the project/with the client/etc. to cause this reaction?"
• "How can I fix this for you?"

Simplify the situation and pay close attention to your first instinctual reaction to it. Then think of another, maybe less stressful circumstance and ask yourself what were your first thoughts about it at the time. Remember a time when you were stuck and couldn't proceed with a task or project; which question did you keep asking yourself until, once you got the answer, you finally could proceed.

Once you have a pretty good idea into which category you fit, you can start to seek out that information as projects and circumstances occur.

For example, the next time you are in a meeting at work and given a project to do, you could ask specific questions immediately (as appropriate) to gather the information you need to start the project with less stress:

• "Who wants to help me with this?" "Who can I get approvals from?" "Who can I use as a resource?"
• "What tasks are appropriate to use to accomplish this project?"
• "Where can I get the data/information to assist me with the project?"
• "When is it due?" "Are there any intermediary due dates?" "What time/day do you need it by?"
• "Why are we doing this?" "Why does the client need this change?" "Are there any underlying factors that I should know about?"
• "What steps should we take to finish this project?" "Are there any hidden circumstances or issues I should be made aware of before I start?" "How would you like me to proceed with this-- do you have anything you specifically want me not to forget to do?"

Giving What They Need
You can use the same methods to determine what others need. When your boss comes in to talk with you, is he primarily asking about your family and friends? Is he trying to make a personal connection with you? Is he always staying focused on the task at hand? Is he asking you why or how you are doing something, and what you are doing seems inconsequential? These and other observations can help point you toward what motivates those around you.

Once you have a firm grasp of what motivates a person in your life, try providing it.

For example, let's say you have determined your manager is a Who. Every time you speak with him, he is asking about the people in your life. He is concerned with who is going to meetings and who is going to lunch. So, the next time you need help with a project, you shift out of your motivating factor and start the interaction by asking about his family or friends. You ask about his most recent vacation, or simply ask "How are you?" and actually listen to the reply and ask questions about the answer. Once those pleasantries are done, and he has likely asked you about something in your life, you can shift back to the task at hand and ask the question you need answered. You may find he is better able to focus on the task, more willing to help or provide feedback, and is more positive about your interaction.

On the other side of things, when the same boss comes to yell at you about something, it is imperative you pay attention to the questions he starts with or continually comes back to; if it is a who related line of questioning, you likely need to provide him with a who (i.e., "I worked on that project," or "I was part of a group with X, Y, and Z and we came up with that slogan," etc.). I'm obviously not suggesting you should be a tattle-tale, or commit political suicide by saying things at work you shouldn't, breaking confidences, or anything of the sort-- but a person with a who motivator is not going to let something go until he gets a who response. So think about how you can provide him with that interpersonal communication he wants in addition to the motivator questions that will appease your needs.

For example, maybe you allay your need first, by asking him what is wrong or how you can help, or why the situation has come to a head (whatever you have decided is your motivating question). Then, as he answers, you have time to think of a who response to help his needs and allay his issues. "You know what? Let me talk with Sally and Joe about this and we'll figure out a solution for you and get back to you. Before I do that, though, weren't you on vacation recently? Did I hear that it was a fishing trip?" This gives him three defined "Who" people, you, Sally, and Joe, and it offers him a chance at the interpersonal he needs as a Who person. He will likely leave your desk happy knowing who is working on the issue and be calmer because he talked about his vacation trip to Cape Cod.

Conclusion
By using the knowledge of your own motivators and looking for the motivators in others, you can reduce stresses in your life by seeking that information which you need and providing the information that others need in a timely and effective manner.