Nicknames

I've never had a nickname. When put into situations that involve other Johns, I am always the one who winds up being "John" while the others gather the nicknames, pet names, or use their middle/last names. Because of this, I've always wanted a nickname.

The closest I think I ever came was back when Melanie used to call me "Mr. C" or "J.C." For awhile, my bowling team called me the Rock-- ostensibly because I was so steady and consistent as the anchor of the team. Of course, knowing that Dwayne Johnson uses that name professionally in his wrestling and acting careers makes it all the more amusing-- I am pretty far from the image he presents, as I am of average height and weight. We do have bald heads in common though.

I tried to convince people to use "Jaz." I liked this one and it had a simple explanation: It was the first letter of my first name and the last two letters of my last name. But, like all great nicknames, you cannot force one on people. Nicknames have to evolve naturally. I'm fairly certain the fact I sing about as well as a cat being burned alive has nothing to do with this nickname's failure to catch on.

At one point in my life, and my mom would have to tell you exactly my age but I would guess when I was around 5 years old, I made everyone call me "Ken." Don't ask. I was just tired of being another John in a sea of Johns.

Maybe, however, I should look on the lack of nickname as a sort of blessing. Maybe I am one of the quintessential Johns on the planet. So many of us do gather the nicknames, pet names, and other appellations that we need a few "representatives of the name" to enforce the rule.

Not only am I a John, which is derived from Hebrew meaning "God is gracious" and has come to mean a down-to-earth sort of person, but I am also a Year of the Boar (1971) and a Taurus (April), two more signs of my inherent John-ness. All signs point to the steadiness of my nature and earthiness of my demeanor.

In some cultures and fairy tales knowledge of a person's true name can either give you power over them or grant one access to his own inner power. In Dune, by Frank Herbert (not to be confused with my favorite horror author, James Herbert), the inspiration Moadib provides the people of Arakis (sp?) changes his name into a word of power. Even when dating, my girlfriends haven't referred to me by pet names. I would occasionally get a "Sweety" but, beyond that, I was always just John.

Maybe my "John-ness" is at the heart of who I am? To paraphrase the Bard, would this John by any other name be as sweet? And there is always the argument that I define the John I am as much as I am defined by being a John.

I think I will take a queue from the movie The Doors. When asked to state his name and occupation (within the band), Jim Morrison answered simply, "Jim." Of course, Jim is derived from James, another of the most popular names, so maybe this is a bad example.

Maybe someday a nickname will float out and stick. Until then, here's to all us Johns out there. Our name may be common, but we don't have to be.