Mentoring

So, after finishing the Fantasy Football draft, I decided to log on to City of Heroes for a little while. Maybe run a mission. While on, a group asked for help, and I obliged. This group was not so great, with two guys who didn't understand tactics, another who kept running away at the slightest sign of danger, and a third who kept "helping" me by knocking everything away from me (I need things in close).

I finished the mission, said my goodbyes, and moved on.

As I was heading back to where I had been, I saw a poor lowly blaster about to get killed. I grabbed her aggro, allowing her to flee. She came back and blasted the two villains. We chatted, and she mentioned that she had died so many times tonight that she was well in debt and frustrated. I asked her to team with me on one of my high-level missions, and then mentored her on the game.

This person did not know what Dual or Single Origin enhancements were, where any stores were located, that Council mobs sometimes turn into Werewolves (it was fun to see her reaction), or really how to use her contacts or even powers to full effect.

I guess I have a little teacher in me. Even though I was exhausted, it was well past midnight, I couldn't help but stay online and explain all this to her, show her where the stores in Steel and Talos are, explain how to use enhancements (I couldn't explain combining, just too difficult this late!), and how to make the most of her powers and contacts. I then gave her a ton of high-level enhancements to sell to boost her Influence in the game.

She was thrilled. Not only did I clear over a nice chunk of her debt (unfortunately, I think she was at the cap, as she still had 19,000 debt after that!), but I showed her how to use her powers, how to successfully team, and how to have fun in the game.

And I got a hearty thank you and added to her Friends list.

After my rather disappointing teaming experience with the group before, it was nice to end the evening on a positive note.

Have fun and stick with it! There are good teammates out there! If your first team isn't the greatest, just say goodbye at a good moment (not in the middle of combat!), and start looking for another. Eventually you'll find a good fit and be happy.

Game on!

True Bachelorhood Rears Its Head Again

I am sitting here eating (original) Kraft Mac and Cheese, with some lemon pepper on it, plus 3 Kosher dill pickles... because you should eat something green with "dinner."

This would make a lot more sense if I had remembered to thaw the steak in my freezer.


*Sigh.

I am such a bachelor!

Moving On

I found your picture and some letters today. Beyond the fond memories I have of those times, I felt nothing for you. You did your best to keep me hanging on by never allowing me closure to our time together. You knew me well enough to know that the lack of closure would keep you in my thoughts.

You knew I was one to hold things inside; to internalize my feelings and bottle them up. You used that to your advantage and I cannot blame you. I held you inside for much longer than even I thought I would, or could. Each letter and picture over the years, each word you use to dredge up the past and keep me locked in our little drama, was a great play on your part. You always were one to live in the past. Every step you took and every ploy you used was a masterful stroke in our little vignette. I give you one final bow, acknowledging the expert way in which you played me.

I’m happy to say, I’ve moved on. It took time, effort, and a lot of personal changes to start the process. Finally, it took meeting someone amazing to finish it. But I have moved on.

You taught me a lot. I look for very different things now. And I’ve found them in someone new. Even if we take not one step further in whatever it is we currently have, she has changed me for the better. That was the one thing you could never do; change me. I was the rock against which you broke yourself and, in breaking yourself, wounded me. Where you were difficult, she is challenging. Where you tried to wound, she nurtures. Where you spoke, she listens.

I am happy for your life. I hope the new location and people in your life suit you. I’m glad I knew you and I will treasure the time we had together. But now my sights are set on a new horizon, and one with unlimited choices and freedoms.

Enjoy the life you made for yourself. I am putting those letters and photos away. I’m cinching up the baggage in my heart that is you and placing it on the shelf. On the shelf, it can remind of those times so I never repeat them, but it can also safely gather dust in the dark.

I’m turning to a new page, grabbing an unused pen, and beginning to write new and exciting chapters to my life.

Goodbye.

Single and (not) loving it

I had an epiphany at the grocery store just now. I am a single man and I'm not happy about it.

On my way home from work I stopped by the Postal Annex in the grocery store mall to send a gift to a friend. After the woman behind the counter remarked how amenable I was to all her suggestions on the best methods and packaging for said gift (to which I just smiled and said "thank you"-- I couldn't help but think, 'why argue or discuss something so trivial?'), I was walking back past the grocery store when I realized two things; my cat needed a new bag of food and I was jonesing for some ice cream.

So I heading in and bought... cat food and ice cream.

I had three separate women and two couples give me that patronizing smile as they saw me walking through the grocery store with cat food and ice cream. The disparity in the items and the fact that those were the only things I was purchasing just screamed "Single Male" to the world. I then compounded it by going to the self-check out counters (another single male bastion, although others are starting to use it finally). I even got an "Aww" from one girl who was walking past me to the next self-check counter with her boyfriend and their bag of ice. At first I thought she might be saying it about some baby someone had in my area. Nope. Then I hoped she saw the cute kitty on the bag. No, that was on the other side. She was looking straight at me and giving me that same, rueful smile and shake of her head. Her boyfriend just sort of grimaced at me.

When women go into the store and buy what I would consider odd combinations of items, why don't we give them the same patronizing smiles and rueful head shakes? Why is that reserved for men? Are we really that inept in our lives? (don't answer that)

*sigh

I don't want to be single any more. I want to be in a relationship, preferably a long-term one. I don't want to be the 3rd, or 5th, or 7th wheel at friendly gatherings. And, frankly, I'm tired of being the one who can drop everything and go out with my friends because I'm unattached. I want to complicate the hell out of my life and have someone to share it with.

I'm not rich, but I make a solid living. I tell good stories, I am usually pretty funny, and I'm attentive and interested. I'm pretty adaptable. I've got skills, and tools, and the brains to use them. Looking for a woman who wants someone with the above qualities. Must be a non-smoker and non-drinker (or light drinker) preferred.

A Stitch in Time

I don't understand clothing manufacturers and thread. Every single one of my pants, no matter how high or low quality I purchase, needs to have the stitching on the buttons replaced regularly. Luckily, I have some needles and thread and can accomplish this, but I hate that I have to.

A friend of mine has a good theory: manufacturers need to cut costs wherever they can. The thread used is one of the few areas where they can do this. And, think about it, the amount and quality of thread used to make clothes adds up.

I think she's on to something.

If you have a standardized process by which a sewing machine makes one hundred stitches in order to hold a button on a pair of pants with your average type of thread, then, if you cut the quality of the thread or the number of stitches, the savings per button sewed could equal inches of thread saved. Those inches of thread are then available for another button. Over the course of a day's work, this could add up to industrial-sized spools of thread saved for the next day.

I am sure it is acceptable to them that their wearers have to have alterations done after a shorter period of time. It is not them, after all, who has to make these alterations; the seller of the pants (if a higher-end place) or the owners make these changes. Or the owner goes and buys a new pair of pants. Either way, I guess, is good for the pants business in the long run.

However, I keep getting stuck on this end result: I have to buy pants and immediately add a few dozen passes with my own needle and thread, or pop a button after only a few washes and wears!

And the Cleaning Continues...

I'm still cleaning, trying to whittle my life down to just those items I need. Today I managed to clear the black, four-shelf bookcase inside the front door. I walked it down to the garbage and threw it away. No remorse.

I have yet another bag of garbage ready to throw out and I managed to convince myself to get rid of three pairs of shoes that I haven't worn in at least a year. I can actually step into my tiny walk-in closet in the bedroom, but there are still miles to go before that is finished. And don't ask about the closet just inside the front door.

Now to figure out what to do with the old receiver, double-cassette player, George Foreman grill (with waffle maker), Canon ink-jet color printer, and cd player. To the best of knowledge they all still work. Maybe I can put a "Please Take Me" sign on them at work?

I'm starting to wonder what else I will find in this apartment.

The one bad thing is that I a) keep finding more and more comics hidden everywhere that need to be bagged and boxed somewhere and b) more and more old paperwork that should be shredded. If I could convince myself to just toss the paper without shredding, I would be closer to finishing this task. But the papers have names, addresses, and other personal information on them and I can't bring myself to toss them without shredding first-- even if the addresses are from 10 years ago and the personal information just isn't valid any more.

I'm fairly certain I've decided to stay in this apartment. I have a lot going on the last couple of weeks in September, right when I would need to be making plans for any move. And, as I look through Rent.com, et al, and call around, I'm finding that any place I move will be more expensive than where I am, even factoring in the increase I am forced to take here. So, here I will stay.

Just means it is more important that I get this place ship-shape, right?

Depressed Box Office

Today I saw not one, not two, but three different articles deploring the state of the box office this year. Each of them asked why such "sure-fire hits"” as The Island or Stealth have done so poorly at the box office.

Each of these articles talked with "industry insiders,"” heads of studios, and theater owners. Each postulated on why these and other movies have been less than successful.

In all of these articles I didn'’t see the most obvious two things mentioned: ticket prices and the glut of movies.

Ticket Prices
Four years ago I could go to the matinee at the theater across the street for $6.50. This seemed pretty reasonable; more than a video rental, but I was getting the benefit of the bigger screen, the better sound, and the group environment. I rarely went if it was after 5 pm, as the $8.50 they charged then seemed too much.

The last movie I went to see, Fantastic Four, was a decent movie, with okay special effects and a fairly generic story and acting. The difference? The ticket cost me $8 for the matinee. Nearly the same cost as the full-price just a few years ago. So, if a family of four wants to go see a matinee movie of a passable but not spectacular movie, it is going to cost them $32 before any snacks. Add in a big tub of popcorn and a couple of beverages, and the family is out well over $40 for 2 hours of entertainment. If they go after the matinee prices, the cost is upwards of $60.

I own a decent sized television screen, a pretty good surround sound system, and a fairly cheap subscription to Netflix. For $14.95 a month, I can watch as many movies as I can rent, watch, and return in a month. Most months I can watch around 10-12 movies. That averages out to about $1.25 a movie. I am in the comfort of my own home and I do not have to deal with the crowds or a talking patron who forgets to turn off his cell phone.

This huge difference in price makes it hard to justify going to the theatre to watch a movie.

The Movie Glut
A few years ago as the first signs of today'’s box office morass were being seen, the studios correctly guessed that the sheer volume of movies they were unleashing on the public was partly to blame for the lower box office take of all but the most successful movies. I recall reading an article that said that some of the largest companies were going to cut their movie slate by up to 10%. At that time, the average slate was around 120 movies a year being put into production. By cutting this by 10%, they could focus on just the best of their slate and realize more value by their production.

Since then, the slate of movies being produced has actually risen” from 120 to about 132 (most recent stat I could find). This increase means that more movies make it through production, more movies vie for the fickle public'’s valuable dollar, more money must be spent on advertising all these movies, and the production dollar must be spread over more productions, inevitably lowering the value of the majority of the slate.

I, like most movie-goers, am a pretty stingy viewer. There are only about four movies in any given year I feel are "must see."” That means that the five major studios' slate of 132 movies each is vying for just four paid performances. Outside of these four "must see" event movies, I may decide to see 2-4 more movies on speculation or due to friends recommendations or persuasive advertisements.

Once upon a time, when production companies release far fewer movies, you could have a movie released and leave it out in front of the viewing public long enough for people to make up their minds and decide it was worth one of their precious few "“must see"” movie dollars. There is a tale of the movie Bonnie and Clyde. It was not immediately successful, but Warner Brothers kept the movie out there and, as the audience found it and critics started to rave about it, the studio re-released it to theatres and it became a success. That would not happen today. If a movie does not "open"” well, it is yanked and another of the 132 films is put in its place.

This huge slate also ensures that every single week of the year, but especially during the ultra-competitive summer months, there are multiple "must see"” movies being released. If I have four paid performances I'm will to see, and there are twelve weekends during the summer months each with at least 2 "big"” movies, some twenty movies are going to get the shaft. I just don'’t have the time, the patience, or the money to spend on each one of these releases.

The Solution(s)
In order to turn around the current box office woes, the studios need to cut way back on the movies they produce. They need to really review the scripts and the budgets and try to make the best films they can. Instead of having two or more big releases every week, there needs to be not more than four big releases in a month. This provides two values: the studio has a better shot at getting some of my viewing dollar and a movie has more time to find its "“legs."” Movies make money on repeat visits. If there is always something new the next week, people don'’t go back to a film, even one they enjoyed.

Secondly, the theatres need to cut prices. Make it a cost-effective night out for that hypothetical family of four. If that family can go out to a matinee showing for under $30 dollars, they are more likely to increase the number of films they will see in a year. The theatres benefit by having that family attend their facility (and all the beverages and popcorn those repeat visits bring in-- where the real money is for a theatre) and the studios benefit by getting more dollars from that family.

Ramblings about Shopping

If I am going to the store, I usually know which store and what product I’m going there for. If I’m grocery shopping, I usually have a list and I only get those things that are on the list. Even when I don’t have a particular goal in mind, I still try to remain courteous to my fellow patrons as I move around the store. I actually don’t mind shopping in general when those around me treat me the way I treat them.

I seem to be developing intolerance for those who don’t know where they are going or why they are there. And don’t get me started on those who exemplify a lack of courtesy. I just spent an hour plus walking around the Marketplace in Tustin/Irvine. I was looking for a specific product, knew of three stores in which I could find that product, I walked directly to those stores, and, if I didn’t readily see where the product was located within the store, I asked an employee of the store. While doing this walking around, I was constantly hindered by rude, inconsiderate people who didn’t know why they were there, didn’t know what they were looking for, or were as discourteous as could be in line cutting, aisle behavior, and idiocy.

Correct me if I’m wrong on this one, but it strikes me as rude that you would stop your cart cattycorner across one of the three main aisles in the store, blocking foot and cart traffic in both directions while you ponder the topology of your navel (or whatever the hell you were gazing down at your stomach for). When there is a line, it strikes me as inconsiderate to cut all the way to the front of the line to ask a question—what, the rest of us aren’t as important as you? And, once you have found an item for which you were looking and you are browsing through the aisle while comparison shopping for the device, don’t stop your fat ass in the middle of the aisle. Stand back and allow others to move around you. Don’t glance up, annoyed, when I say, “Excuse me” in a polite tone because I want to get to the product on the other side of you. And, frankly, your phone conversation with your boyfriend does not need to take place in the middle of the store at full volume and with wild gesticulations. Take it outside.

People often ask me why I dislike Christmas. The season has turned into a cut-throat, shark-infested feeding frenzy of holiday shopping. The behaviors I mention here are personified and glorified to the point where:
• You see fist-fights between mothers trying to get the latest fad toy for their child.
• You see people crushed and trampled in the rush to enter a particular store.
• You see tug of wars between otherwise rational people who grabbed the same product at the same time.
• You hear cursing and see rude gestures in every parking lot and every store.

I may not be the most church-going of people, but doesn’t the Bible teach peace, love, and hope? Where the hell does that go when people start shopping?

I implore you to be courteous even to those who aren’t courteous to you, to be considerate of the shoppers around you, and to please take a minute to think about why you are there before entering the store. You just might find that your shopping experience is smoother, more fun, less hectic, and takes much less time.

Oh, and the product for which I was shopping? Only one store had it and they only had the display model. So I could have saved myself the time and aggravation by just shopping online for it.

Live and learn.

Football

It's beginning to look a lot like football....

Pack Rat

I am on a cleaning kick. My lease is up at the end of September and I have decided to clean now like I am moving. This involves making the tough decisions on what to throw away and what to keep.

As I move through my apartment, I am surprised at what I find. Sitting on the floor near my working PC is another PC that just needs to be plugged in to function. I open my closet in my bedroom and there are two more PC cases with most, if not all, the requirements to be working PCs. In the coat closet inside the front door are two boxes with enough parts in them to make each of the other PCs function (if they donÂ’t currently) and likely at least one more PC out of scrap parts. I am fairly certain I have at least one skeletal PC case down in my garage into which these scrap parts could go.

I have, so far, given away four large trash bags of old clothes that I no longer wear. I have sitting beside me right now two smaller bags of clothes to take in to the nice girl whose mother cleans and mends the clothes, then takes them to missions and donates them in Mexico to the poor.

I have shredded three large trash bags full of old bills and other documents that are 7 or more years old. Why am I keeping this? Does anyone care that I can produce every electric bill to the apartment I lived at on Kendall in San Bernardino in 1993? I doubt it. So, away with it! And, not to scare you, but this is just the stuff in my current files. I have yet to clean out my bedroom closet enough to get to the four-drawer metal filing cabinet in there that has even older stuff in it. I would not be surprised if that cabinet has every pay stub I received working at RoleplayerÂ’s Comics and Games when I was in High School (in case that makes no impression, I graduated in 1989). So, even more shredding to go.

I still have over 100 VHS tapes on shelves. How many of these am I going to keep? Those that I really want I will purchase in DVD and store long-term that way. At least when I do that, I know I can take them into work and leave them on an open table with a “Take Me” sign on them and they will all make it to a nice home where they will be viewed and enjoyed. Should I do the same with those I will not replace?

Inside my front door I have two bookcases and a three-shelf rolling storage unit. Today I was able to find other locations for, or throw away, everything on the three-shelf storage unit. So as not to just fill it up again, I have thrown away the unit. That has freed up a spot inside my door approximately three feet long by two feet wide by three to four feet tall.

In the back of my mind is the shelf in the garage. Beyond the PC case, what other “treasures” remain to be found? Of course, I only have the very end of the garage as storage, so there is not really a lot there. I do know I still have my old, broken lounge chair in the garage. Only reason is because I couldn't lift it to get it into the trash bins at the complex. However, unlike so many of my neighbors, I actually use my garage for parking, so most of it is empty for my vehicle. Whew!

By the time October rolls around, I should know whether I truly need a bigger apartment or if I can just make enough room here that I am once more comfortable. Then, if I do decide I need to move, IÂ’m one big step closer to doing it. If I decide to stay put, IÂ’m a ahead of the game and have more room and less crap littering my life.

Self-Image

I am not sure in which class I picked up the following idea, because I am fairly certain it is not unique to me, but I have used it to great effect and the people who have tried it have had moderate to profound results.

Get a timing device, a mirror big enough so that you can see your entire face, a well-lit room, and a comfortable place to sit. Set timing device for three minutes. While sitting in well-lit room in comfortable location, spend the three minutes looking at yourself in the mirror. By looking at yourself, I mean try to look yourself in the eye but, if you find this uncomfortable, then move your eyes across the rest of your face and back to your eyes. The point is to look yourself in the eyes for as long as possible until the three-minute timer goes off. This is not a staring contest, so remember to blink.

Simple, right? Wrong.

This exercise is designed to break down your self-image and rebuild it with truth. Most people seem to have a mental image of themselves at what they think was/is their peak. The image may include various times in their lives; the jocks body they had in High School, the cool hair they had during college, the great attitude they had two years ago. But they are currently overweight and out of shape, losing their hair, and coasting through life with a laissez-faire attitude.

On their first attempt, most people cannot look themselves in the eyes for much more than about 30-45 seconds of the three minutes. Many people find that they cannot spend more than a few seconds looking themselves in the eyes. Your mileage may vary.

I first did this exercise early in college. I was amazed by what I saw in myself, and a little worried. I saw an angry guy staring back at me; someone who had closed himself off from those around him. Someone who would rather manipulate the events and people around him than just enjoy them for what and who they are. After a few more exercises, I started to rebuild my self-image as one who was more genuine, caring, and concerned. While this metamorphosis still is occurring today, I feel I have reached a point where “Evil John” is a distant memory and “Good John” is the reality. As an aside, I was also able to recreate a self-image that involved the “follicle-challenged” hairline that is my reality. My previous self-image always had the near-mullet I sported through most of high school. Hey, don’t laugh, it was in fashion then!

I have recommended this action to many people. I did not always hear back from people if they tried it or what their results were if they did. A small sampling of responses I did get: one woman was surprised to see an attractive, confident woman staring back at herself; her self-image was meek and unattractive due to life events that had ruined her ego and destroyed her confidence. Actually, this is a frequent response from women, as we tend to constantly assail women with the idea they are not pretty enough, good enough, smart enough. One man was surprised to find a sad boy staring back at him. He had always overcompensated for losses in his early life with boisterous behavior and a “jock” mentality. By learning of the sadness he had inside, he was able to come to terms with it and move in different directions.

Breaking down your self-image is not for everyone. Some people will not like what they see staring back at themselves. And you should never force this exercise. It is not a contest and there are no winners. It is about learning more about yourself, and possibly coming to terms with who you are as compared to who you present yourself to be. Once you have this knowledge you can set about enacting changes and maybe move a little closer to who you want to be.

I wonder what you’ll find staring back at you?

Vacation

My mother left for PA today for a nice long visit with my sister and her family. They both made comments that it would be nice if I could join them. Man, that would be nice!

I love where my sister lives. It is verdant and bucolic. There are enough big cities that you can do serious shopping yet pastoral enough that you can drive for miles in nothing but wooded valleys and hills. They have real seasons and the people tend to be more small-town minded.

Where I live is part of one great big megalopolis. From San Diego to the north of Los Angeles (and beyond), and as far east as San Bernardino, there are few places left with actual Nature visible and untamed. You can drive most of the trip on the 5 freeway and rarely will you be out of sight of buildings and humanity's urban sprawl. While it is true that there are many advantages to living in such a mega complex, there are drawbacks too; increased crime, increased pollution, increased prices, increased distance from the natural world.

I have not gone anywhere else except to my sister's for vacation in about 10 years. I only seem to manage it once every other year, but I treasure that time immensely. She likes it, too, because I am one of the few people she doesn't have to "plan" for. She knows I am just as happy sitting on her couch as I am trying to take in the sights. We usually manage a trip to the Renaissance fair (last time we went in costume even! What fun!) and she usually takes a day off so I can go see some history I haven't yet seen (last time was Washington DC, which was fun but a day-trip is just not enough). This year was to be my trip back east, but my health has been less than stellar so far, and I'm not sure I can afford the days off. I hate that my health can dictate something like that to me, but I live with it. My sister will happily wait and hope I can make it next year.

However, I am planning a small vacation in September to a neighboring state, toward which I am really looking forward. On tap already is a trip to one of the nature parks in that area, which will allow me to connect with the ... well, "nothing" ... that is so breathtaking and beautiful in the desert. I hope to see it through new eyes and a fresh perspective. I also should have some people to see. A friend who just this month moved to that area has even offered her home to me as a place to stay-- and said she will make Enchiladas! I love enchiladas. It will be nice to see her husband, with whom I played softball for many years, with whom I can talk football, and who is a generally great guy. I can also see the new baby and the older children.

So, I sit here in my megalopolis, thinking of my mom, flying back east, my sister in her little piece of paradise, my small vacation in two months and the friends I will see then, and I can be at peace at least a little. Sometimes even a mental vacation is enough to tie you over until the real thing comes around.

The Hazards of Work

So, I agreed to get a project done, all five documents, by July 22, even though this was a very aggressive due date. This would give my resources a few days to review the docs and me a few days to make edits and get the manuals published before the client's drop-dead due date of August 1.

Well, I managed to get over 300 pages of documents written, with first edits from another resource included, and compiled by July 18! I had to ignore many requests and secondary work, and work like a fiend, but I did it.

On Friday (the day this work was actually due), I get an email from my main contact with the department with which I am working. She provides me some edits on three of the five documents and then says she would forward the other two docs to others to review while she is gone on vacation next week. What? Excuse me? You are on vacation next week, the only week you originally had to edit all of this work?

This is very frustrating. First, because I bent over backward, ignored many other tasks and personal things (like this blog) and worked a lot of overtime to not only meet her requested due date, but even to beat it and get it done early. I had even asked one of my pals from IT to stop by my home and set up my network with the much faster and more secure connections so I could do some work at night. Second, at no time in the three weeks since requesting this document set and Friday had this woman informed me she was out on vacation during the pivotal review process. Lastly, my boss, Renee, is also completely swamped and is need of my assistance. I could have been doing more to help her if we could have negotiated more reasonable due dates on this project!

So, I have edits on the smallest of the docs in the set, and none for the actual User's Guide or the Model Reports Guide, the two largest and most involved. I will do these edits and I will hope for the best that her accomplices will do her edits for her. But if they do not, who gets the blame if we cannot meet our client's hard deadline of August 1?

Football

I am SO ready for some football!

With most teams reporting and starting their practices over the next two weeks, the smell of football is in the air.

Of course, as a life-long Detroit Lions fans, I have high hopes and low expectations. Can Harrington come through with all the weapons he has now? Have they improved the defense enough? Will the so-rightly named "Black and Blue" division once again knock each other around and wind up missing out on the playoffs?

Will this be the year they make it back to the Big Show (they last won a title in 1957-- before the creation of the Super Bowl)?

And why can't Barry Sanders stay young and playing for the team forever?

Thursday Thoughts

Many non-artistic types think that artists have control over what they do. An artist wants to paint, so he picks up a brush and applies paint. He wants to write, so he picks up a pen (or fires up the word processor) and begins to deliberate. An actor picks up his script and starts to memorize lines and blocking. A musician strums a few bars. As far as it goes, that is true. But the art has a say in the matter too. And the art can sometimes take the artist to unexpected places.

I have had an idea for a poem floating around in my head for awhile now. In my mind’s eye, this was a bucolic poem filled with pastoral scenes of a wood nymph dancing around her tree and captivating those who see her. Not my usual arena, but the image stuck with me and kept solidifying. For whatever reason, the seed of that poem finally germinated long enough that I began to write it last evening.

The first two stanzas turned out the way I expected; pleasant and pastoral. Even the desire to go with a meter and rhyme scheme was working (I’m more well known for my free-verse). Great, just as I expected and exactly what I kept seeing in my mind.

Stanza three took an unexpected turn, though. This bucolic scene started to show some shadows. From that point on, the poem devolved from my original intent into a strange land of darkness and frightful imagery. The protagonist of the piece winds up trapped and alone with a feral creature rather than the beautiful nymph he set out to visit.

I cannot explain or justify what happened there. My path appeared clear and unblemished when I began, and I tried to hold true to that need. The poem, the art, and my subconscious mind enacted in a strange and powerful way to force the effort in another direction. As I was writing it, I could see what I was typing as a neutral observer and was amazed at where I was going.

It is the same with other arts, I’m sure. A polished actor, lines memorized and blocks known, will sometimes find he is uttering new lines and going in new directions as the scene and the character grab hold and will not let go. Or an artist will sit down to paint a nice family portrait and wind up hours later staring at an impressionistic image of a matador spearing a bull. Musicians thrive on the "jam session" because of the unexpected directions the music sometimes goes.

It is a strange and wonderful feeling to have the art take over and to be a passenger on the ride to the discovery. But it can be a little frightening as well. I honestly do not know if I birthed this poem or if it sprang from my head on its own. I do know that it is finally out of my mind and the real work of hammering it into its final form is all that is left to do.

Worst Fears

I used to lean Republican, but am now definitely in the middle with some strong Liberal as well as Conservative leanings depending on the subject. I am not a fan of the current President, but I realize he will be out of office soon, never to return thanks to our two-term limit on that office.

However, I am very afraid of President George W. Bush getting to elect even one Justice to the Supreme Court-- probably the most important body in our country-- let alone two. With Justice O'Connor's shocking resignation and now Justice Rehnquist's failing health, President Bush may be able to stock two ultra-conservative leaning Justices on the Court for years and years to come.

Justice O'Connor was a pivotal swing vote for many issues I lean to the left on, women's rights, the environment, etc. Justice Rehnquist is one of our best judges in that he can divorce himself from his own politics and rule without much bias on many issues.

My one hope is that most judges seem to understand the weight of the responsibility that comes with being a Justice in the Supreme Court. Justice Scalia, for example, was considered something of a maverick and a fairly "political" choice when he got in. Yet his rulings, while maybe not as unbiased as the two I mentioned, have been surprisingly moderate and without overt bias. I can only pray that the new judges nominated by President Bush will likewise grow to understand the weight of their new position and will put aside their own biases and beliefs and make their rulings as justly as possible.

This is a time to comment to your lawmakers, though. Make sure your advocates in the House and Senate know where you stand on this issue. Congress cannot capitulate if they feel the nominees President Bush presents are the least bit unfit for duty in the Supreme Court. I urge everyone to pay close attention to these hearings once annoounced as they could change the legal landscape for decades to come. Yes, it is that important.

And, if things go poorly, or bad Justices get in and the laws start changing-- there is always Canada. I hear they only have 32 million people or so. I think one more could fit right in. I don't drink beer and am not a huge fan of ice hockey, but I'm willing to try poutine. That has to count for something.

Which Movie are You?

Who comes up with these?

Thanks to Terri-Lynn's site for this one.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Ordained Minister

Okay, I admit it. I’m a loon. I’m crazy. Anyone who knows me well will give me that patient smile and slow shake of the head I’ve gotten so used to seeing when they read this one. I’m sure mom will have some interesting comments as well.

Awhile back, I stumbled on a web site that proclaimed it would legally ordain me as a clergy person for their church for free. For some reason at that time, I thought that was cool. So I filled everything out and expected to hear back immediately from them (they claimed “instant ordainment” after all). Nada. Nothing. Zilch. That was long ago enough that I had forgotten all about it.

Today, as I’m sitting at work, I get an email notification. I open it and it is from the church. I have now been ordained by the Church of Spiritual Humanism to perform religious rites and ceremonies including marriage, baby naming, funeral services, invocations, and holiday ceremonies as permitted by the laws and regulations of my state and country. Not valid in Canada (they wouldn’t approve the church’s request) or the UK.

And I am ordained for life!

Apparently, the tenets I am supposed to espouse as a clergy member are reason and deliberation. I am to peacefully follow the proper course of action and to avoid infringing on the rights of others. I am to denounce the irrational and subjective.

While this church does not specifically espouse Christian tenets, I am allowed to incorporate any belief systems from external sources that do not infringe on the basic tenets of reason and deliberation.

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So, you all now know an ordained clergy member (OCM) for the Church of Spiritual Humanism.

How funny is that?

Movie Music

There are certain songs that cause an urge to watch the film in which the song is found. This urge becomes a compulsion that is hard to ignore.

For example, every time I hear Fiona Apple singing “Across the Universe,” I need to seek out my copy of Pleasantville and watch it. Hearing the Beatles performing that song does not trigger the same need; only Apple’s version does it. Luckily, the DVD has the video for the song— sometimes I can get away with that instead of watching the whole film. Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)” results in a strong desire to watch Against All Odds. Did Rachel Ward ever look better than when she is standing there at the end, looking at Jeff Bridges as she cries? I think not. “Wind Beneath My Wings” makes me pull out my battered copy of Beaches. I always immediately think of when Bette Midler is jokingly saying that her memory is long and she remembers everything and Barbara Hershey turns away and whispers, “I’m counting on it.” Hearing the beautiful, plaintive voice of Jane Siberry singing “It Can’t Rain All The Time” invariably makes me watch my copy of The Crow. Why did Brandon Lee have to die during filming? He was showing such talent. I think nothing of watch the entire movie just to get to the song in question.

Some songs are indelibly linked to certain movies or specific scenes, even if I don’t feel an overriding desire to watch the entire movie. Interestingly, the songs are not always linked to the scene in which they play during the movie; most of the time, but not always. Evanescence’s “My Immortal” doesn’t force me to watch Daredevil, but I do think of Jennifer Garner’s face illuminated by the raindrops for blind Matt Murdock at the cemetery before she hides under the umbrella and takes her leave. The Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” always makes me think of City of Angels (namely the scene where Meg Ryan rides her bicycle down the mountain road). Matter of fact, City of Angels has a great soundtrack; good stuff from a variety of artists.

Then there are the “classics.” Films such as Dirty Dancing, Lost Boys, Apocalypse Now, and The Big Chill are almost as well known for the great music they have as for the quality of the film. Almost any song from one of those will make me remember scenes from the movie. Sometimes I pull it out and watch, sometimes I don't.

Of course, there are the ubiquitous songs, too. Titanic and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Goes On,” The Bodyguard with Whitney Houston doing “I Will Always Love You,” or Queen singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and Wayne's World. I don't have to watch the movie again, but I cannot help but think of it when I hear that song!

Do you have certain songs that trigger a strong desire to watch a particular film? Are certain songs linked forever in your mind to a scene in a favorite movie?

Quizzes

I liked these.


You are Kermit the Frog!! You are loyal to your
friends and don't really know how to say No.
No matter what you were doing, you would drop
it in a second if a loved one was in trouble.
You are also a born star. Everyone loves you!


Which Muppet are You?
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Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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